


A latte love

by Youremyalways



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Bellarke, F/M, Fluff, Miscommunication, Smut, pregant clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 07:04:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20774507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youremyalways/pseuds/Youremyalways
Summary: Who would’ve guessed that spilling coffee all over a stranger would lead to Clarke Griffin meeting the love of her life? Who would have thought that a jealous ex would almost cost them everything?Angst, fluff, smut, and a whole lotta bellarke happiness...I worked very hard on this and would greatly appreciate some lovveee :D





	1. Spill

**Author's Note:**

> It’s hiatus, so here’s the story I’ve been working on for the past few weeks. 
> 
> Feedback is welcome :))
> 
> ENJOY!!! xoxo

It was a long, long, long Sunday. Clarke never sleeps well when she’s on call, always waiting for the phone to ring. Last night fell into the majority of nights that Clarke got called in for a procedure, but this one was anything but ordinary. She went in at 1:30am and didn’t get to leave the hospital until about thirty minutes ago, right around 4:00pm. It was a motorcycle accident, and bad turned to worse very quickly. There were several setbacks and the surgery took way longer than she expected. She felt like she was walking on limp legs, eyes heavy and mind racing. The only thing she wanted was a giant latte with a million shots of espresso to make some of the pain go away and get her ready for her actual shift starting at 8:00 tonight. When she finally arrived at her favorite coffee shop, Mount Weather, she barreled through the lobby to the register, not even noticing she was stumbling into the corner of a table until she felt the pain in her thigh. 

“Shit.” She uttered as she looked down. 

There was a tall, muscular man sitting alone at the table, watching his coffee spill over the surface. He had a book open in front of him and a shocked look on his face. He was hot, with dark glasses resting on the bridge of his nose and messy dark curls framing his tan face. She shook her head to get that thought out of her head, however, when she saw the surprise on his face fade into anger. 

“Watch it!” He snapped, hands flying up and back almost in surrender, arms trying to escape the sudden waterfall of coffee spreading over the table. 

Clarke instinctively reached out and grabbed his book, yanking it away from the table, clutching it in her hand to keep it from getting wet. He looked up at her like she was insane, anger seeping from his pores. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” She crumpled as she looked over what she’d done.

Her shoulders sagged down and she dropped her phone into her purse, dragging the chair across from him out and putting both her bag and his book down on it. She raced over to the stand by the register and gathered a bunch of napkins in her hand, jogging back and immediately starting to wipe down the table. When she came back, he was watching her with a much softer gaze, eyes sort of curious and almost amused. He was biting down lightly on his bottom lip and now had his arms crossed over his chest. He watched her with furrowed eyebrows, almost like he was entranced by her movements. 

“You’re book is dry though, so that’s good at least. I really am so sorry! I’m not normally this clumsy.” She rambled as she dragged a second napkin over the spill, the first one already soaked through, “It’s just that I've been at the hospital since two am and I’m really tired and…” She cut herself off, sighing and laughing a little to herself as her tone softened, “And you’re a total stranger. You don’t care.”

She shook her head, amused with her own antics, and then proceeded to wipe up the worst of the spill. After the majority was absorbed, she gathered the dirty napkins in her hand and then reached over to pick up his now empty plastic cup, “Here, let me get you another coffee, what were you drinking?” 

She looked up at him expectantly, but his eyes were now downcast. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He dismissed her, waving a hand in the air with a shake of his head as he reached for the remaining pile of clean napkins and picked one up himself, starting to dab at the table.

“No, really. I insist. If I don’t pay you back somehow this is gonna weigh on my conscience forever, okay?” Her eyebrows knit together as she pleaded with him, “What were you drinking?” 

He scoffed, looking up at her with raised brows, “I take it you don’t respond very well to the word ‘no’”.

There was no real heat in his voice, more of an amusement and some subtle compassion.

She smiled for the first time, sighing in relief before confirming, “Nope. Now what can I get you? And before you say ‘don’t worry’ again, if you don’t tell me, I'll buy you something random and you’ll just have to suffer through it.” 

God, now that he was looking at her, standing there all stubborn and kind and level headed- he couldn’t help but let his first judgement slip away and be replaced with a much fonder one. She was adorable, buried in an oversized black sweatshirt with the letters BU written in burgundy across the front and a pair of skin tight black leggings. Despite her sweats, she had a decent amount of makeup on her face and her hair tied up in one of those messy buns that’s called messy but actually takes a shit ton of effort to get just right (Thanks for that lecture, Octavia). Her eyes were big and blue, the mascara coating her lashes making the oceans appear even deeper and more inviting. She was gorgeous. 

“Uhm…” He shook his head and blinked, trying not to sound like a total idiot as he recited, “Just iced coffee, black. None of that fancy shit.” 

A smirk took up residence on her lips and he felt his heart flutter, “Be right back.”

She grimaced a little as she used her dry hand to pick up her purse and throw the strap over her shoulder. Her other hand was wet with the dripping napkins and she picked up a few of the dry ones to rest below the mushy ones and keep them from dripping everywhere. She turned to walk away, leaving him to watch her as she made her way first to the trashcan where she not only threw away her mess, but also wiped down her hands, and then proceeded to the front counter. Monty, the part time barista and Bellamy’s long time friend, had a big smile on his face as he took the blonde's order. Bellamy found himself getting lost in her subtle movements. Clearly the girl was personable, what with the way her hands waved a little in the air as she talked to Monty. They were clearly chatting about a little more than just a coffee order because they were both laughing by the time she was swiping her credit card and two coffees were being slid across the counter towards her. 

Before she picked up the coffees, the blonde reached up and gently put a hand on Monty’s shoulder in a friendly gesture. He nodded in return and then watched her walk away with a smile still on his lips.

What the hell could they have talked about in a matter of minutes that left him so damn smiley?

“Iced black,” The blonde smiled as she came back over to Bellamy’s table and put the coffee down in front of him, dropping a straw next to it.

“And for me,” She raised her eyebrows and laughed as she waved her own coffee cup in the air, her drink lighter in color than his, “The fancy shit.” 

Bellamy flushed as she threw his words back at him and looked down, shaking his head in embarrassment and letting out a nervous laugh, “I’m making a great first impression, aren’t I?” 

She just shook her head and smiled softly, eyes lazily tracing over his face before suddenly she was reaching down to the seat across from him and picking up his book. She wiped her fingers over the cover and across the bold, cursive words ‘The Iliad’ before holding it out for him.

“Here you go…” She started, cutting herself off when she realized she didn’t yet know his name. 

“Bellamy.” He supplied, reaching out to take it from her and placing it down in front of him, “Thank you. Not just for the book, but for the coffee, and for being kind even though I wasn’t the best to you.” 

She raised her eyebrows and took a sip of her drink, spurring Bellamy to poke his own straw into his cup, “Well, I did run into you and make you spill your drink, but you’re welcome. I’m Clarke, by the way.” 

He reached out for her hand and she took it willingly, shaking it with a firm grip. 

“Well,” She sighed and tilted her head at him, turning her body a little bit away from the table and gesturing to his book with a knowing smirk. “I suppose I will leave you to Achilles.” 

She nodded curtly and gave him a little wink before turning to truly walk away. 

He didn’t know what the hell came over him, all he knew was that he could not let her walk away right now, so he instinctively reached out and grabbed her wrist, wrapping her fingers gently around her pale skin. 

Clarke turned with a surprised look on her face, eyebrows raised to her hairline and eyes wide in curiosity. Her lips were pursed and the way they parted just slightly sent a chill down Bellamy’s spine. 

“You read ‘The Iliad’?” He asked, his voice raised an octave higher in pleasant surprise. 

She nodded as he released his hand from her wrist, “Yeah.”

She tilted her head and her eyes lulled a little up as she shrugged and corrected herself, “Well, technically I had to read it for my greek art class.”

He let out a deep breath, pursing his lips as he affirmed, “Still, impressive.” 

She looked pleased with his compliment, shrugging a little and swirling her wrist around to stir the coffee in her cup. When it was clear she wasn’t really gonna respond, he decided to just sack up and do what he was dying to. What was the worst that could happen?

“Hey, so, uhm…” He cleared his throat and let out in one, steady breath, “I’m not planning on moving for a little while, if you’d like to join me for a bit?” 

She stepped back a tiny bit, lips parting even more and eyes widening in surprise. As Bellamy watched her contemplate, his heart pounded in his chest so fast he could practically hear it pulsing in his ears. 

“Uhm…” Clarke shook her head and closed her eyes for a second before opening them and reaching her hand out in front of her, gesturing to him and answering, “Yeah, yes. I would love to.”

She reached out to pull the chair across from him out and shrugged her purse off, plopping it down on the table and giving him a shy smile. Clarke sat down and crossed her legs under the table, putting her drink down on the table right in front of her and wrapping both of her hands around it. His answering smile was warm, his eyes brightening as her expression gained more confidence. 

“So,” he started, tucking his book over to the side of the table to show her she had his full attention, “You said you were at the hospital all night, is someone sick?”

She didn’t even react to the somewhat evasive question, like it was a query she got all the time. 

Her voice was calm and unwavering as she shook her head and clarified, “Oh no, nothing like that. I’m a doctor.” 

He pushed his bottom lip out and nodded, taking a sip from his coffee before starting again, “Very noble of you. What got you into it?” 

He was genuinely interested and that was a very new thing for Clarke. Normally it was bland questions asked with monotone voices and resigned gazes. It was really, really nice to feel like someone actually cared, even if it was just a stranger. 

“I was sort of born into it, I guess. My uh…” Her voice was suddenly breaking slightly and she turned away from him so she was staring out the window, eyes glassy. 

Bellamy felt his heart start pounding, seeing the emotions ransacking her face and not knowing exactly how to handle it. He just met her, was it weird to comfort her? What do you say to a stranger that you hope will become more than that? He just swallowed uneasily as she started talking again, breaths shallow.

“My mom was a doctor, and I admired her a lot, so this was kind of always what I was going to be.”

She let out a deep breath and turned back to him, shaking her head and bringing a hand up to swipe a tear away from her eye.

“I’m sorry, I’m a mess.” She said in a half laugh, half cry. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” He immediately reached his hand out and intertwined their fingers, his thumb gently rubbing over her knuckles in comfort, “Is your mom…” 

“She died a little over a month ago.” Clarke whispered as she nodded, gaze lowering to their joint hands.

His heart dropped to the floor, stomach lurching. Only a month ago, God… Bellamy lost his mother almost twenty years ago and it still hurt sometimes, nevermind only a month ago. 

“I’m so sorry, Clarke,” He knit his eyebrows and looked deep into her eyes, trying as hard as he could to show her his sincerity.

She tucked her neck back a little bit, almost like she was surprised by his concern. 

“It’s okay,” She connected their gazes and relaxed a little bit when she felt the inviting pull of his warm brown irises. 

“How, uhm, how did she die?” He asked quietly, carefully. 

She bit her lip and looked down, shoulders straightening out.

“You don’t have to answer if it’s uncomfortable, or if you’re not ready.” He immediately clarified, anxiety creeping into his voice as he realized he may have pushed too far.

Clarke looked away for a second, wringing her fingers nervously before turning back to him and whispering, “She was sick for a long time.” 

It was a simple answer, and Bellamy could tell there was much more to that story, but if that’s all that she was comfortable saying, then it was beyond good enough for him. He just watched her with glassy eyes and kept soothing over her knuckles with his thumb, letting her use his hand as a tether. 

Her tone lightened a little as she suddenly raised her hand to wipe away the tears and pointed out, “So, you’ve snapped at me, and now I’ve cried in front of you. It looks like we’re both excellent at first impressions, huh?” 

Bellamy laughed, pulling his arm up so his elbow rested on the table and bringing his forehead down to rest in his now open palm, a blush creeping up his cheeks. 

“Quite the pair.” He mumbled, embarrassed. 

But when he raised his gaze again and saw her eyes were fond and light, but still a little watery, every ounce of embarrassment fled his system. Bellamy squeezed her hand tightly and the corner of her lips tilted up into a soft smile. 

“Thanks for being so sweet, I didn’t mean to throw this on you.” 

“No worries,” He dismissed before his tone shifted, a little more serious, “I know what it’s like to lose a parent, it’s not easy. Especially not this recently. I know you just met me, but… if you even want to talk about it…” He trailed off, the rest of his sentence implied.

Her eyes were watery again for a whole new reason now, a happy reason. Clarke was in awe of his genuinity and generosity. They’d just met and he was going out of his way to be kind to her. It made her realize that there are still good people in this world. 

“Thank you,” She whispered fondly, eyes trained on his.

He squirmed a little under the sheer weight her gaze now carried and swallowed a little, turning to look at the cash register.

“So, do you know Monty?” He asked, looking between the barista and the blonde in front of him, “You seemed to get along.” 

Clarke smiled a little, voice lifting up in a teasing manner as she leaned forward and accused, “Were you watching me, Bellamy?” 

He laughed nervously, stuttering over his words, “No! I mean… maybe… a little. Sorry.” 

“I’m just kidding,” She giggled, glowing as she looked over to Monty and then turned back to Bellamy, “His best friend was a patient of mine.”

Bellamy’s spine straightened as his eyebrows shot up, “You were Jasper’s doctor?” 

“Yeah. You know Jasper?” She replied dumbfounded.

Bellamy gaped, “Yeah, he’s one of my roommate’s best friends! He’s the reason I’m friends with Monty!” 

Clarke looked exasperated, leaning back against her chair as the awe washed over her, “Small fucking world.” 

“Microscopic.” Bellamy confirmed, his own voice filled with shock. He toned it down after a few moments passed and he realized what it all meant. She was even more amazing than he originally thought.

Jasper had been in a really, really bad place for a while. After his girlfriend died in a tragic house fire, he became an alcoholic and had suicidal ideation. The blonde sitting in front of him was the woman that treated him after his second suicide attempt, pumping his stomach and giving him an IV. It wasn’t that that truly saved him, however. It was the advice, the kindness, the referral to the best psychiatrist in the state. Jasper swore she saved his life- said he was planning on jumping off a building two nights after his second failed attempt, but she stopped him. With long blonde hair, a firecracker spirit, and the stubbornness of a bull, she stopped him. Maybe not directly… but she still stopped him. Bellamy just barely met her and he already owed her so much.

“Jasper swears you saved his life,” He spoke softly yet strongly, “You’re not just an amazing person, Clarke, you’re an amazing doctor too.”

“Jasper saved himself,” She corrected with zero hesitation, clearly firmly believing that it was true, “But thank you, it means a lot. Really.” 

Bellamy just smiled, “Modesty, too?”

Clarke rolled her eyes playfully, “It’s not modesty, it’s the truth. I could give him as much advice and as many referrals as I want, but… when he’s alone, he makes the decision all on his own. He’s the one that was strong enough to make the right choice. I’m not there in his darkest hours, or when he’s feeling weak. He pulled himself back, him alone. I’m just glad I could steer him in that direction.” 

Bellamy squinted his eyes as he looked over her in complete awe, “You’re something else, you know that?”

“Something good, I hope.” Clarke laughed.

“Definitely good.” 

Their gazes connected again and this time it was much heavier. There was a strong, emotional pull to the eye contact that neither one of them was willing to part with. Clarke found herself studying the warm cocoa of his irises, and Bellamy looking at the little rings of gold surrounding her dark black pupils before dissipating into skies of blue. It was intense and overwhelming, yet neither of them had ever felt so calm. 

“Uhm,” Clarke was the first one to break the trance, shaking her head a little as she cleared her throat, “You said you know what it’s like to lose a parent. Was that your-“

“My mom, yeah. It was about twenty years ago now.” He explained, tracing little circles on his coffee cup lid with his fingertips.

“This might be invasive but-”

“How did she die?” Bellamy raised his eyebrows, used to the same question being asked over and over again.

Clarke nodded meekly, shrinking in on herself a little bit, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be, I asked you first anyway, ” He shrugged, “She didn’t survive my younger sister’s birth.” 

“That’s horrible, I’m sorry you had to go through that.” She bit down on her upper lip.

Before Bellamy spoke again, Clarke pressed, “Did someone else take care of you?”

He shook his head, knitting his brows, “We were in and out of the foster system for a while. When I turned eighteen, I was able to get us out, claim legal guardianship of Octavia. We fought a lot, but it was clear that the only thing we had for certain was each other. I worked several jobs to get us stable before going to school. She moved out about… three years ago, now. After she graduated and got a job. She claimed she needed independence, and I couldn’t argue with that. Still though, it felt weird.”

“Well, because she’s a part of you. Or rather, protecting her is a part of you. It’s hard to just let go of that.” Clarke inferred. 

He nodded with a little smile, taking a swig of his iced coffee, “Right. So how about you, any siblings?”

“Just me.” She replied simply, a soft smile on her lips.

“How about your dad?” He furrowed his eyebrows, now fully entranced by this woman and wanting to know everything. 

“Like I said,” She swallowed shallowly and looked down at her hands, whispering, “Just me.” 

Instead of pressuring her to tell him more, he instead decided to redirect to himself and alleviate her stress, “I never knew my dad. He was just some one night stand douchebag that took off when he found out my mom was pregnant.” 

Clarke nodded and her eyes darted out to the side as she rolled her upper lip nervously between her teeth, like she was contemplating telling him what she was thinking. 

Instead, she raised her eyebrows and simply conceded, “That sucks.”

He nodded.

“Look, I have a shift in a few hours and I really need to get home and get back into the scrubs I just got out of, but this was really nice. Uhm, if you ever want to call-” She reached into her purse, looking for something to write on, but then suddenly he was shoving his phone towards her with a blank contact open.

“Just put it in, okay?” He smiled.

She nodded with a blush, taking his phone and typing in her name and number. Clarke barely got to the sixth digit before she heard a yell and jumped out of her seat.

“Bellamy!” 

She turned to see a petite brunette standing barely a foot behind her with a tight ponytail and a leg brace. Her smile was enormous and her eyes were bright. She walked up to the table energetically, slapping a hand down on Bellamy’s shoulder.

“Raven,” He grumbled, looking between the two girls, “Hey.”

She looked over to Clarke then, “And who’s this?!” 

Clarke felt her heartbeat picking up a little bit at the intensity of this girl. She was so full of energy and Clarke was soooo not, at the moment.

“Clarke.” She said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster, reaching out to shake her hand.

Raven shook it greedily with an approving smile. 

“She’s hot,” Raven said once her gaze was back on Bellamy, who raised his eyebrows to the ceiling and almost choked. The tan girl then turned back to Clarke, reemphasizing, “You’re hot.” 

“Uhm,” Clarke cleared her throat, a flush creeping up her cheeks, “Thanks, I guess.” 

“So, how’d you land her?” Raven asked Bellamy, an amused smirk on her face.

Bellamy scoffed, “I’ll try not to take offense to that.” 

Raven laughed, “Oh, offense intended. I love you, Bell, but she’s way out of your league.” 

He shook his head in embarrassment, leaning down to plant his head in his palm.

“Look, Rav, Clarke was just leaving.” He mumbled, mouthing a ‘sorry’ to the blonde, who just smiled a little in response. 

“Oh! Well don’t let me get in the way!” She exclaimed, looking at least a little apologetic, “Wait, did you invite Clarke to Octavia’s party?!” Bellamy shifted in his seat, but before he could get a word out, she was turning to Clarke, “Did he invite you?” 

Clarke tried to help him out, “Well, we just met.” 

Raven shrugged, “So? Come on, it’ll be fun. Friday night. I don’t even care if Bellamy wants you there, I’m inviting you. Our friend group is seriously lacking in the hot blonde department.” 

Clarke frowned a little, looking down and finishing typing her number into Bellamy’s phone before sliding it towards him, “I’m working until six on Friday.”

Raven smiled proudly, “Party starts at seven.”

Bellamy dove in then, “Don’t let her pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to. Raven here is a little intense sometimes. If you don’t want to go that’s perfectly fine. It won’t change anything.” 

“I would love to go.” Clarke said though, a soft smile on her lips, “Just text me the details, okay? I have to go.”

She stood up and reached out first for Bellamy’s hand and then Raven’s, “It was really nice to meet you both.” 

She turned and made her way to the door, a grin stretching over her lips when right before she left, Clarke heard a yell.

“See you Friday!” 

It was a little over twenty four hours later when Clarke got a text from Bellamy. She’d been up for a long time and her schedule as a doctor was so all over the place that her sleeping schedule had to be just as messy. She just slept whenever she got the chance. Right now she was all but ready to collapse onto her mattress, but as she put her head down on her pillow, her phone lit up.

Unknown number, 4:37  
Hey Clarke, sorry about Raven the other day. If you still want to come to the party it’s at 12 Washington Street, apartment 5d, 7pm Friday. I’d love to see you again. -Bellamy

She couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face, tired eyes becoming a little more awake. Normally she’d wait to reply to a text to make it seem like she wasn’t super available, but she was exhausted and this might be her only chance for a while.

Clarke Griffin, 4:38  
No need to apologize. I respect her enthusiasm ;). I’ll be there. 

Bellamy, 4:42  
Can’t wait.

She fell asleep with a content hum, excitement mixing with the tiredness in her bones and lulling her into a blissful rest. 

Clarke texted him again three days later, on thursday.

Clarke Griffin, 6:31  
So what do I wear to this thing? Is it dressy? Casual? Or do I wear my scrubs…

Bellamy, 7:15  
Hello to you, too. I’ll ask Raven. 

Bellamy, 7:23  
She said that the girls are wearing clubby stuff, so dressy. Her exact words were ‘sparkly dresses and shit’. 

Clarke Griffin, 7:26  
Oh God. I haven’t worn a sparkly club dress in years. I’ll see what I can do.

Bellamy, 7:27  
I’ll be a gentleman and not say how much I am looking forward to seeing that. 

Clarke Griffin, 7:30  
Just did, buddy. 

Bellamy, 7:32  
Touché

Clarke Griffin, 7:32  
Bye, Bellamy.

Bellamy, 7:33  
Night, Clarke. I’ll see you tomorrow. 

Turns out it was not dressy. At all. 

Clarke arrived right around eight o’clock on Friday night, dressed in a tight rose gold dress that clung to every curve of her body. It had a fairly deep v neckline that showed off her cleavage and spaghetti strap sleeves. She spent half an hour curling her hair into messy waves and half an hour putting makeup on her face. She needed to cover up the tired bags under her eyes and beyond that, just had fun with it. She had mascara coating her long lashes and a light peach lipstick that complimented her dress. The heels on her feet were six inches tall and jet black. 

When Monty opened the door, his eyes went wide as saucers as they raked over her. Clarke took in his simple dress shirt and assumed that he’d just underdressed, but when he slid the door open and let her in, all of the breath left her. Raven was in a sundress and sandals, hair up in a tight ponytail. There were other girls wearing variations of jeans and pretty tops or casual dresses and skirts. The guys were mostly in dress shirts and jeans. All in all, Clarke was hopelessly overdressed. She blushed and folded her arms over her chest, her body going still as the mortification settled over her. 

“Oh my god.” She gasped, feeling like she was going to cry. 

They all turned to her when she spoke, every single pair of eyes widening. There was one tall brunette in the back who was looking at her like she was planning Clarke’s murder. Raven had a wicked smile curling up her lips as she skipped towards Clarke.

“Damn, Clarke!” She exclaimed, leaning back as she looked over her, “Bellamy, get out here!” 

Clarke rapidly shook her head, stumbling backwards, as she stuttered, “No, no. That’s okay. Let me just… I’m just gonna go home and get changed.” 

Raven grabbed her arm to stop her from moving, “Absolutely not. You look sexy as hell! Come in and get comfortable.” 

Clarke shyly followed her out of the doorway and into the room, arms still stuck around her chest in an attempt to cover herself up. 

“Okay, everybody, this is Clarke,” Raven announced, a hand firmly landing on the blonde’s shoulder, “Clarke, this is Monty, Jasper, Miller, Murphy, Echo, Emori, Harper, and Octavia.” 

Clarke lightened up a little bit at the last name, smiling softly as she looked at the petite brunette, “Octavia, hey! Happy birthday!” 

The birthday girl nodded as she looked over Clarke with raised eyebrows and a little grimace, “Thanks.” 

Okay, so, everyone here was judging her, hard. Everyone except Raven it seemed. 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke shook her head, “I’m confused. I thought tonight was sparkly dresses… you know, clubbing style.” 

The one with the murderous look, Echo, scoffed, “Yeah, right.” 

So what? They thought she showed up like this to draw attention to herself? To look better or seem better? Oh God, this was going horribly. 

Just as she was about to jump on it and tell them what happened, she heard a crash from her right. Clarke turned to see where it had come from to find Bellamy standing in the kitchen doorway, eyes gigantic as hs stared at her and his mouth agape. There was a shattered champagne glass on the floor in front of him, clearly he dropped it when he saw her.

“Bellamy,” She cleared her throat, shifting uncomfortably, “Did you uh… did you lie to me?” 

He remained dazed for a second before he suddenly snapped back into reality, shaking his head violently and moving forward.

“No! Raven said it was dressy, I swear!” 

It was hard to concentrate when his eyes were still raking over her, but she brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose. Clearly she’d been messed with here, but she did notice that Bellamy was at least wearing dress pants, slightly more dressed up than the other boys. 

“Raven?” Octavia asked from across the room, crossing her arms over her chest. 

The girl next to Clarke shrugged and then gave in, “Okay, yes, I technically lied to Clarke about what to wear, but it was worth it, I mean, come on!” She gestured to Clarke’s dress. 

“Raven!” Came a few scolds from a few different people and Clarke felt a little of her stress fade away, but she was still highly confused. 

“Wait.” She held up a hand, turning to Raven, “You lied about what I should wear, just so you could see me in a tight dress?” 

“Nooo,” Raven immediately denied before emphasizing, “So Bellamy could see you in a tight dress.” 

The only other blonde in the room- Harper, Clarke remembered- scrunched up her nose, “Ew, Bell!” 

He looked panicked, “No! I wasn’t a part of this!” 

“He wasn’t!” Raven added, clearing his name, “It’s just been forever since Bellamy’s been with a nice girl, no offense Echo, and I wanted her to make a good impression!”

“That is all kinds of fucked up.” Miller announced.

“I don’t really know how to respond to that,” Clarke said earnestly, hesitantly, “And I guess it was nice of you in some perverse way, but I don’t appreciate being made into a joke or a show for your amusement. I don’t really care how I look. If a guy is gonna like me it’s gonna be for who I am, not for how I look in a dress. So, I’m just gonna go.” 

But when her hand landed on the doorknob, another landed on her bicep. She turned just barely to see who it was and her eyebrows furrowed when she saw it was Octavia. 

“Please stay,” She pleaded, “I’m really sorry about this whole dress thing. Raven really cares about all of us and her ways of showing it may sometimes be a little… much, but it’s because she’s passionate. My brother really likes you, and he doesn’t like just anybody so I want to get to know you. I know I, and all of my friends here, will really like you. I’ll even let you wear some of my clothes if you want to change, just, please stay. It can be my birthday present.”

Clarke sighed and then looked over the girl’s shoulder to view Bellamy. He looked incredibly apologetic, lips hanging in a tight frown and eyes pleading. God, she did like him. She didn’t want to lose out on getting to know a great guy just because one of his friends made a mistake. 

She closed her eyes for a brief moment and then opened them again, letting out a sigh, “Okay.” 

Octavia squeaked and threw her arms around Clarke, squeezing her to her chest, “Thank you!” 

Clarke just pet her back awkwardly until she let go, Octavia grabbing her hand and pulling her into the living room where all of her friends were gathered. She looked over her shoulder to see Bellamy, who was now on his knees cleaning champagne off the floor. 

Clarke turned to Octavia, “I’m gonna help him, it is kinda my fault he spilled it.”

Octavia sighed, “Okay, just hurry and get back here when your done.”

Clarke nodded with a small smile before walking over to Bellamy and squatting down until she was kneeling on the floor across from him. She reached out for some of the paper towels he had put to his left and started to swipe them over the ground.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” She teased lightly, their situation reminding her of the other time they’d bonded over spilled drinks. 

He looked up at her with a smirk, “You don’t have to help, you weren’t actively involved in this one.” 

“Or…” She whispered, stopping her hands as she looked up and met his gaze, “Maybe I’d just prefer to hang with you.” 

“I really am sorry about all of this. I would have told you if I knew she was joking.” He swallowed thickly before adding a tease, “And just so you know, I like you for your personality Clarke, not for how you look in a dress.” 

“I know.” Clarke said fondly, heart fluttering as he threw her own words back at her. 

“Although,” He let his gaze fall to her chest for just a second, “it doesn’t hurt.” 

Clarke laughed and playfully slapped his shoulder, “Shut up.” 

He raised his hands in surrender for a second before continuing to pick up pieces of glass and wipe the floor down. She did the same, but couldn’t keep her eyes from bouncing up to his face every few seconds. 

She tucked her hair behind her ears as he disregarded the last of the glass, “So how have you been, you know, since we last talked?”

He smiled, “Small talk? Really?” 

“I’m trying to be polite, jackass.”

He pressed a hand to his heart, mocking being offended, “That hurts.” 

Clarke just hummed as he got up from the ground and offered a hand to her. She grabbed it and he pulled her to her feet.

“Thanks.”

And mere seconds later,

“Stop looking!”

“I’m sorry!” He exclaimed with a grin that was anything but apologetic. 

Bellamy was looking at her like she was the most exquisite thing in the world. He didn’t even have to look down at the dress, just the beauty in her face was enough. His heart pounded as he looked at her, pupils dilated to the extreme. 

“Come on.” He urged, squeezing her hand and starting to pull her towards the living room, where all his friends are.

She didn’t move, giving him a shy, almost uncomfortable smile.

“You okay?” He asked, genuine concern in his voice.

Clarke nodded, but her voice was soft and hesitant, “Yeah… I just feel like everyone’s looking at me. It’s a little awkward.” 

Bellamy’s smile dropped, eyes squinting down a little in sympathy. He looked over her for a second before pursing his lips and nodding his head.

“Okay.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows, “Okay?”

He dropped her hand and brought his fingers to the hem of his dress shirt. Her eyes widened as she watched him slowly unbutton his shirt, exposing more and more skin with every little release. When he finally popped the last button, he shed his shirt and threw it on a chair tucked into the kitchen table. 

He spread his arms out to gesture to his bare torso and smirked, “Well, now they’ll be looking at me.”

It was really sweet. If she truly stopped to think about it, she might have cried at how kind it was for him to humiliate himself to make her feel better, but… he was standing there with a bare fucking chest. Clarke couldn’t think about how nice he was when she was simultaneously taking him in. He was cut like a goddamn god, defined abs and smooth tan skin. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to touch him really, really bad.

“Now who’s looking?” He teased with an amused laugh.

She looked up, embarrassed, but before she could come up with an excuse, he was grabbing her hand again and dragging her into the living room. 

“Okay guys,” He announced, squeezing Clarke’s hand, “This is Clarke. She’s funny, nice, smart, and apparently a little gullible. But… if you’re going to stare at anybody, your gonna stare at me, okay? Leave her alone.” 

Clarke melted at his words, squeezing his hand back and feeling her heart flutter when he looked back at her, eyes filled with compassion and sincerity. She let her head fall onto his shoulder, burrowing her cheek softly against his skin. 

“Wow,” Miller said from the couch, eyebrows raised, “He must really like you.” 

Octavia had a huge smile and ran up to them, grabbing Clarke’s hand and pulling her away from Bellamy and down to the couch right next to her. Clarke laughed a little as she landed on the cushion, her arm brushing Octavia’s. Raven flew up to her next, guilt in her eyes and lips pressed in a thin line.

“I’m really sorry, Clarke.” She said quietly.

The blonde just shook her head dismissively, “It’s okay. What I’d really like is to just move on from this.” 

“Done!” Raven shouted, clapping her hands together and retreating back to her seat on the armchair a few feet away, “We should play a game!” 

Bellamy came to sit right beside Clarke, draping his arm across her shoulders. She immediately rested her head against his chest and leaned into his embrace. Now that she was sitting in the room, no longer freaking out about her attire, she took in the scene. 

Raven was sitting on the arm of the armchair where Murphy sat with Emori in his lap, the two playing footsie against the chair. Harper was sitting on the couch across from her, leaning on Monty. Next to them were Jasper and Miller, and then Echo- who still very much looked angry- was sitting on the floor with her legs crossed, Harper’s calves draping over her shoulders. 

“Ohhh I know!” Jasper yelled, clapping his hands together as his eyes lit up, “Truth or dare!” 

Octavia scoffed, “Boring.” 

“Nuh-uh,” Monty denied.

“Uhm, yes-uh,” She mocked back then her shoulders straightened, “What about truth or… drink!” 

There was a unanimous hum of approval and so the game began. 

“Okay, O, since you’re the birthday girl, I say you start.” Bellamy pointed to his sister.

Octavia gave a proud smile and then immediately turned to Clarke, “Okay. Clarke. What attracted you to my ass of a brother?” 

Clarke choked a little, leaning forward with wide eyes, “I’m sorry, how does this game work?”

“You either tell the truth, or drink. Pretty simple.” Echo snarled from the floor, her tone degrading. 

Clarke smiled overly wide back. She didn’t know what this girl’s problem was but she wasn’t gonna play into it.

“Okay, so I either tell you why I’m attracted to Bellamy, or I take a shot.” Clarke recited.

“Look who catches on quick.” Harper smiled from beside Monty.

Clarke looked over her shoulder at Bellamy to find him looking out in the distance somewhere. She sighed before conceding, “I guess it’s that we have so many similar life experiences. When I tell most people about the stuff I’ve had to go through, they think I’m looking for pity or treat me differently. Bellamy accepted it and didn’t look at me differently because of it. So, yeah. That’s why. Who’s next?” 

Bellamy met her gaze and his eyes were so full of compassion and genuinity. His lips were upturned the slightest bit, like he was ecstatic yet simultaneously completely thrown by her words. Clarke responded by giving him a little smile and sliding her thumb gently over his forearm. 

It meant so much to him to have someone like him because of who he was, not because of his appearance. He was used to being degraded to nothing but a pretty boy face on a six pack. Clarke was refreshing and her words made his heart pound. He hoped his gratitude was apparent in his eyes as he looked at her.

Harper started to ask Emori a question, but Clarke couldn’t quite hear it because suddenly she heard a pst from her other side. She raised her head off of Bellamy’s shoulder and leaned Octavia’s way.

The younger brunette smiled softly as she whispered in Clarke’s ear, “I like you.” 

Clarke smiled ear to ear. She didn’t know why that meant so much to her, but it did. It definitely did. 

She leaned back onto Bellamy with a content hum, watching gleefully as the questions continued to work themselves in a circle. Clarke learned a few things today, including… 

Jasper lost his virginity when he was 20.  
Monty has kissed a boy.  
Octavia had an awful haircut two years ago. 

And one other… minor… thing.

“Bellamy, Truth or drink, How good was I in bed?” 

Bellamy and Echo used to date. Or at the very least, sleep together. 

She felt the man she was leaning on tense as soon as his name flew from the angry woman’s mouth, and she could see why. Bellamy blushed to inhuman levels and everyone in the room shifted uncomfortably. Clarke felt her heart quicken significantly and she looked slowly up at Bellamy with a hesitation in her eyes. She subconsciously bit down on her lip as she watched him shake himself out of it. 

Clarke didn’t know if she was glad or disappointed that Bellamy immediately reached for a shot and downed it with a grimace. On one hand, she really didn’t want to know about Bellamy’s past sex life… but she also wanted to know more about this Echo girl. For instance, if she and Bellamy broke up, why the hell are they still friends?

“Clarke,” Monty asked with a big smile before she could think too much about it, “What was the worst part of taking care of Jasper at the hospital?” 

Jasper rolled his eyes with a laugh and elbowed Monty in the stomach. However, his eyebrows raised in curiosity.

Clarke bit out a surprised laugh and leaned forward to the coffee table where all the shots were lines up. With a steady hand she picked one up and tilted it in a quiet cheers.

“Yeah, I’d like to keep my job.” She said with a teasing voice before tilting her head back and downing the shot in one go, wincing a little bit as it burned the back of her throat. As she put the glass down she coughed a little and felt Bellamy rub her back just barely. She leaned into his touch.

Murphy laughed a little, “Don’t do shots much?” 

Clarke smiled back and answered, “I’m a doctor, if it doesn’t have caffeine in it, it’s not helping me.”

The group erupted into laughter and the mood remained pleasant the rest of the night. By the time the early morning hours rolled around, almost all of them were drunk. And not tipsy drunk where they were slurring their words and dragging their feet, but drunk drunk where the bathroom was always occupied because someone was always puking. Bellamy eventually embraced and showed off not having a shirt on and Clarke had taken a freaking body shot off of chest. She finally unraveled her arms from her chest and just let her body be showcased. Everyone danced and sang and played stupid games. 

Clarke stopped drinking around midnight and called an uber at two am, giving her enough time to let at least the worst of it fade off. Bellamy gave her a kiss on the cheek before she left and apologized a million times over for not being in the state to drive her home. She brushed him off and said her final goodbyes to all of his friends and ten minutes later, found herself standing outside, her heels in her hand, waiting for her uber to arrive. It was a calm and quiet night, the only sounds being the distant traffic and crickets in the trees. That was until…

“Hey Claire.” 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows and ducked her chin back, confusion rolling through her body. She turned quickly, swaying on her feet, to see Echo walking towards her. She had a malicious stance, one eyebrows raised as she stared at Clarke so hard she felt like there was a hole burning into her head. 

Clarke shifted on her feet and corrected, “Clarke.” 

Echo hummed, “Right.”

Maybe it was because she was drunk, but before Clarke could stop herself, the words were rolling off her tongue, “Dude, what is your freaking problem with me?” 

“Oh, I don’t have a problem,” The taller girl shrugged and pushed her bottom lip out, narrowing her eyes, “Just don’t think you’re special. You’re only the tenth girl Bellamy has brought to meet us in the past few months, all of them ended up alone too. He has massive commitment issues. You’re just something shiny. The second someone new walks in, you’re done.”

Clarke was taken aback, eyes fluttering and jaw clenching as her muddled brain tried to wrap around everything that was coming out of Echo’s mouth. 

Before she could respond, her uber was honking at her and she was jogging to the black honda accord parked on the street. Right before she got into the car, she heard one last yell.

“Enjoy it while it lasts!” 

Those five words lingered in her brain for the next few days. The way Echo seemed so sure she was just another hookup played over and over again in her head. That’s why when her phone lit up with a text from Octavia, she felt immense relief. Work helped get some of it off of her mind, but what she really wanted was some answers.


	2. Friend of my friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke hangs out with Bellamy’s friends and begins to think about telling him about her dark past.

Unknown Number, 3:21  
Hey Clarke!! So, Raven, Emori, and I were gonna go to the beach tomorrow but Emori is sick and I thought maybe you’d like to come, so I got your # from Bell. I would love to get to know you more!!! Btw this is Octavia aka birthday girl aka Bellamy’s sister

Clarke swayed her thumb hesitantly over the keypad of her phone before letting out a deep breath and typing out her response.

Clarke Griffin, 3:26  
Hey Octavia, thanks for thinking of me, that was really nice of you. I would love to go, just let me know the details, thx. 

Octavia (Bellamy’s Sister), 3:28  
Yay!!! We’ll pick you up at 10 tomorrow morning. Bring your best bikini, I promise no wardrobe related surprises this time!

Clarke actually laughed a little out loud when that text came through.

Clarke Griffin, 3:42  
Hahaha, sounds great. I’ll see you tomorrow :)

They arrived at 10:00 on the dot the next morning.

Raven and Octavia greeted her with hugs and big smiles as she climbed into the backseat before announcing they were ‘finally off!’ and making course for the beach. Raven seemed happy as could be, swinging her head with the music and mouthing every word of every song that came on. Octavia seemed to be in a good mood, so she was letting Raven be. Seeing how relaxed and content they were made Clarke feel a little more safe to just let go and really, truly relax. She even joined in when the two girls started singing along to a the latest Taylor Swift song. Clarke found herself smiling for the first time in a long time without consciously having to think about it. It just felt easy. She loved that Raven and Octavia had no shame, they just let go and sang at the top of their lungs. It made her feel like she could let go too. 

"We should start a band.” Raven nodded curtly with a jokingly serious face when the song ended. 

The car erupted into laughter and Octavia playfully slapped Raven on the shoulder. 

"Hey! Hands off the driver." Raven scolded with a teasing tone.

Clarke let her head fall back against the seat with a content smile, eyes following the white lines of the highway as they got closer and closer to their destination. 

Once they arrived, the girls made quick work of getting changed and then searched for a good spot to lounge for the day. They wanted to have enough space for themselves but Raven and Octavia were also adamant on being surrounded by hot guys. Clarke just trailed along, not really paying any mind to the men when there was only one girl she had her sights set on. Within ten minutes, they seemed to find an adequate spot. It was right near an ice cream truck so they had enough possibilities to watch others while simultaneously providing enough space for them to play volleyball or something. 

Octavia set up her towel in the sand and made quick work of messily tying her hair up into a loose ponytail. Clarke tried to not look at her body too hard. Bellamy’s sister was stick thin, but still muscular. She had a gorgeous tan and her bright teal bikini only made it stand out more. Clarke couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious next to her. Nevermind Raven, who literally had a six pack and was toned beyond imagination. Clarke was glad she left her shirt on for the moment, insecurity sliding up her throat and making her head swirl. 

“Clarke, why are you still wearing your shirt, we all know you’re hot as hell! Let’s see that bod!” Octavia hyped her up, and the way her eyes narrowed a little told Clarke that she could see her insecurity. 

She smiled a little, still hesitant.

“Come on, babe, nothing to hide. Nobody here is going to judge you. Plus, we’ve already seen you in a tight dress, we know you’re a stunner.” Raven added with raised brows as she laid down on her towel in a prone position, leaning her weight on her forearms. 

Clarke let out a deep, steady breath and in one fluid movement, tossed her shirt over her head and threw it into her bag. Octavia gave her a little wolf whistle and Clarke felt like maybe she was being a little too hard on herself. Sure, she was a little curvier than them, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t as attractive. Her hunter green bathing suit displayed a considerate amount of cleavage and the bottoms hugged her hips tightly, working in favor of her hourglass shape. She smirked a little as she remembered Wells telling her years ago that she needed to find a ‘boobs guy’, not an ‘ass guy’. 

Clarke settled down against her towel and slipped on her sunglasses, closing her eyes as she absorbed the heat of the sun. Raven was chatting animatedly with some boy that wouldn't leave her side for anything. He was blonde and had a muscular figure. Octavia looked over at Clarke and they made little disgusted faces at each other when he asked Raven if he could help her put sunscreen on. 

“So, I have a question.” Clarke whispered to Octavia, Raven still in la-la land with the dude who looked like he was from Baywatch. 

Octavia turned onto her stomach so she could see Clarke better and responded, “Shoot.” 

“This might be none of my business, but what’s the deal with Echo? She seemed very…” 

“Angry? Bitchy? Jealous as all hell?” Octavia finished, eyebrows raised in amusement. 

Clarke blushed a little and looked down, but before she could respond, Octavia was continuing.

“Her and Bellamy were together for a few months last year. Bell wanted more of an emotional relationship but she just wanted sex. He thought maybe he could change her mind, but once it was made clear he couldn’t, he dumped her. I’ve never been more proud,” She smiled a little before it faded into a grimace, “But then a few months later, they slept together again. On and off. They never got back together, they were just like, for lack of a better term… fuck buddies. As far as I know they haven’t slept together for a pretty long time now.” 

Clarke shook her head, still confused, “It doesn’t seem like you like her very much. Why does she still hang out with you guys?”

Octavia sighed, “The girl’s kind of a loner. We’re all she’s got. Bellamy’s too nice to kick her out and the rest of us just kinda stay quiet about it.” 

And then, before Clarke could even process the words, Raven interrupted the moment and gestured to the flirt beside her, "Hey guys, Wick is going swimming." 

Octavia turned and looked at Wick, laughing, “Okay?”

Raven rolled her eyes, “So I’m going swimming. Wanna come?” 

Octavia turned one more time back to Clarke and shrugged her shoulders in question. Clarke smiled and nodded, getting up from the towel and grabbing Octavia’s hand to help pull her up. As soon as they were standing, Raven and Wick were running to the water. Clarke and Octavia jogged behind them and breathed huge sighs of relief when the cool ocean washed away the heat of the sun. 

As the day passed and the sun got lower and lower in the sky, they slowly got more and more weary. It was really fun, and it made Clarke genuinely ecstatic inside to know that her and Octavia could be good friends. She knew how much Bellamy loved his sister, and Clarke really liked Bellamy. If she wanted anything to last between them, Octavia liking her was a must. She just hadn’t expected to like Octavia as much as she did. They had similar senses of humor and developed a silent communication so they could talk about Raven and her boytoy without saying anything out loud. 

When Wick finally left around 3:00, Raven finally turned back to them and asked, “So, what’s up with you guys?” 

Octavia and Clarke both burst into laughter and Raven just crossed her arms over her chest defensively. 

“We were thinking maybe head back into town and get some food. It’s getting pretty late.” Octavia recited after the laughs trailed off.

Raven nodded, “Sounds good! Miller just texted and said that he and Bellamy are getting pizza. I can ask if they can get a little more. Unless you guys wanna go like, out out.” 

“Pizza sounds great.” Clarke answered with a smile.

Honestly, it was Bellamy that sounded great. She didn’t care what the food was. 

Octavia looked at her knowly but just agreed with a wink, “Ditto.” 

They quickly changed in the stalls, Clarke brushing out her hair and tying it into a loose side braid. She put on a pair of ripped denim shorts and a pale blue tank top that made her eyes look iridescent. All in all, she felt like she looked pretty decent. Decent enough to see Bellamy, anyway. This was only the third time she’d be seeing him and she still wanted to make a good impression. Raven and Octavia had similar outfits, simple tops and shorts. 

The ride to Bellamy’s apartment was eerily similar to the ride to the beach. Raven and Octavia sang loudly and Clarke joined in when she knew the words. All of it made the ride go by remarkably fast, and they arrived at his apartment building by five o’clock. 

Clarke was nervous as Octavia knocked on his door, subtly shifting her weight between her feet. Miller opened it with an expectant smile that immediately fell when he saw their faces. 

“Thought you were the pizza guy.” He grumbled with a disappointed sigh before falling back into the apartment, leaving the door open for them to follow. 

At first Clarke was slightly offended, but Octavia and Raven’s neutral reactions made that fade away. Clearly it was just a joke or a personality thing, he wasn’t trying to be a dick. 

Bellamy was sitting on the couch with a half empty beer in his hand, eyes glued to whatever football game was being played on the tv. When her and the two other girls strolled into the room, however, he lifted his gaze to greet them. When his eyes landed on Clarke, they widened suddenly. He coughed a little to clear his throat before putting his beer down on the coffee table and walking over towards them. 

“Hey.” He said with a surprised smile, reaching out and gently pulling her into his arms for a hug.

It was a short lived embrace, but it felt right. When he backed away he looked between his sister and Clarke, stating, “I didn’t know you were with them today. How’d it go?” 

Octavia grinned from ear to ear, bouncing a little on her feet as she announced, “Well, I’m not gonna say I’m glad Emori got sick, but… It was an awesome day! We had so much fun and like, I have never wanted to be friends with one of your girlfriends, big brother, but Clarke? I might have to make an exception.” She gently rocked her shoulder into Clarke’s playfully. 

Clarke smiled fondly and watched as Bellamy’s eyes grew glassy. He blinked it away quickly, but Clarke could’ve sworn she saw tears welling in his eyes- happy ones. His smile was one of the most genuine she’s ever seen.

“That’s great, O.” 

Octavia nodded in agreement and then they were filing into the apartment, Raven and Octavia landing next to Miller on the couch and leaving Bellamy and Clarke to share the armchair. Not that they minded. 

Bellamy sat down first and Clarke situated herself across his lap so her legs dangled over the armrest. She leaned into his shoulder and closed her eyes for a moment, just taking him in.

He laughed softly after a second, whispering, “I think my sister might want to date you.” 

Clarke laughed and shifted her head to whisper back, “If only she was my type.” 

His eyebrows raised at that, eyes still glued to the tv as he inquired, “And what’s that, Clarke?” 

She hummed, running her pointer finger over his forearm slowly, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

He moved his head then, shifting until he was looking her dead in the eyes. Clarke’s heart stopped for a moment, every ounce of breath escaping her lungs. He was looking at her with so much intensity and sincerity that she felt like melting. It was like she was the moon and his stare was earth’s gravity keeping her from floating away. 

His voice was soft and steady as he spoke without an ounce of humor, “Maybe I would.” 

Her smile dropped, face becoming stained with awe. She swallowed roughly around the lump forming in her throat, still staring deep into his eyes. They didn’t stop until suddenly there was a loud cough from the couch. Clarke and Bellamy both shifted their gaze to Miller, who was looking at them with an amused smirk, and then to Octavia and Raven, who appeared just as humored. Bellamy cleared his throat and turned his attention back to the screen, but his arm wrapped around her a little bit tighter and Clarke smiled shyly in response. 

By the time the next commercial break came on, pizza was in their hands and the group was on to talking about college. Raven was currently going over all the schools that rejected her when she was entering her freshman year. 

“Well, Vanderbilt sucks.” Octavia quipped as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“And I’m pretty sure the acceptance to MIT made up for that denial.” Bellamy added with a tease, eyeing Raven’s frustrated expression.

Clarke spoke without even thinking then, smiling a little bit as she recalled, “My mom worked in a lab at Vanderbilt.” 

She felt Bellamy’s fingers tighten on her waist at the mention of her mother and she leaned into his touch. 

“She did? That’s so cool. If only I knew you then, maybe she could have pulled some strings.” Raven laughed before dropping her voice to a more casual tone, “Where does she work now?” 

Clarke stiffened against the chair and she knew Bellamy felt it because he immediately reached out and gently wrapped a hand around her thigh, trying to give her a tether to hold on to. His other hand stayed firmly on her waist, grounding her. 

She looked down at him to pull strength from his presence as she announced, “She uhm… she actually passed away.” 

He pulled her tightly against him as all of the other jaws in the room dropped. Their faces became painted with devastation and shock, eyes widening and eyebrows knitting together. 

“Shit.” Miller exclaimed, sitting up a little straighter.

Raven looked down at her hands, which were folded in her lap and let out a rueful breath, “I’m so sorry, Clarke. I didn’t know.” 

Clarke just shook her head dismissively, swallowing around the emotions rising in her throat and trying to limit the amount of shaking in her voice as she responded, “How could you have? It’s okay, truly. For the past month all I’ve heard in regards to her is sympathy, so it’s actually kind of nice to talk about her in a more positive way.”

“What did she do at Vanderbilt?” Octavia asked then, giving Clarke a small smile.

Clarke looked over to the younger girl and felt her body warm. Octavia had a look in her eyes that said I know how it feels. Bellamy and his sister knew from experience that talking about a lost loved one helps, and now Octavia’s providing Clarke with that comfort. She felt grateful and fortunate to have people back in her life that cared enough about her to do that. 

“She was doing research on rare blood types to see if she could find out why certain people are more prone to leukemia than others. She hoped that maybe if she could find that out, she’d be able to make certain advancements in finding a cure. She was working with a young girl named Madi towards the end. She has blood so dark it’s almost black. As far as I know, my mom’s old partner is still working with her.” 

Bellamy let out an awed breath, “That’s incredible work.” 

Clarke smiled just barely, resigned, “Yeah. Yeah, it was.” 

“Is that why you’re a doctor now? Because of her?” Miller pressed.

Clarke nodded and sighed, “She always said it was the most important thing in the world. Saving people.” 

“I would kill to have you as my doctor. I don’t even have to see you work to know you’re great at it. I can just tell.” Octavia added.

Clarke leaned back against Bellamy and answered with a teasing laugh, “Unfortunately I work in the ER, so if you want to have me as your doctor, you’re gonna have to get in through there.” 

“It’s true,” Bellamy conceded, backing Clarke up, “She took care of Jasper when Monty took him to the ER after… the attempt.”

“I keep forgetting that you were the hot blonde doc.” Raven murmured.

Clarke blushed furiously and Octavia smacked Raven’s arm as her own eyes widened comically large. 

“Uh…” Clarke cleared her throat, unsure of what to say.

“Sorry! That’s what Jasper called you. Before you saved his life, I mean.” Raven tilted her head before smirking, “After that, it was hot blonde angel doc.” 

Clarke brought her hands up to her head and buried her face in her palms, shaking her head in embarrassment as she muttered, “Oh my God!” 

Bellamy rubbed her back gently, almost teasingly, as he looked at her with an amused smirk on his face. 

“That’s so embarrassing.” She groaned as she moved her hands away from her face and looked over the people in front of her. 

Nobody seemed particularly bothered by it, though. Rather, everyone was amused, easy smiles resting on their lips as they looked excitedly between Clarke and Raven.

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Bellamy suddenly said from beside her, forcing Clarke to turn her head around to look at him, “My friends apparently have zero filter.” 

Raven stuck her tongue out at Bellamy and playfully narrowed her eyes. Clarke just laughed in return. 

“Don’t apologize, it’s great. I like that you guys are so open. At the hospital, everybody is boring as hell, so it’s actually quite refreshing.” 

The room broke into laughs and then Bellamy was leaning in to her ear, “Careful, Doc. Wouldn’t want your colleagues to know you think they’re boring.” 

She smiled a little, “Oh, they know.”

Octavia laughed, “You told them?!” 

Clarke leaned forward off of Bellamy to address the group with a huge grin, exclaiming, “I call one of them ‘White Bread’!”

Octavia held her stomach as she laughed, and Bellamy threw his head back in surprise as the laughs teetered through him. 

Raven grinned almost wickedly, “Oh, Clarke… you’re gonna fit in perfectly here.” 

Everyone in the room laughed. Everyone except Bellamy and Clarke. 

She felt the weight of those words, not just the teasing connotation. Clarke hasn’t had a proper group of friends in years. After her dad died, her focus was school, and then getting a job, and before she could even really start to have a life… her mom died. It made her heart burst to look over these people- these good people- and know that she could really care about them. They could really care about her. She could fit in, for once. 

Bellamy was silent for a whole other regard. It’s just that every girl he had ever brought home somehow found their way onto his friends’ bad sides. Especially Octavia and Raven’s. They were hypercritical of the girls he dated and somehow seemed to always find something wrong. To see them fully embracing Clarke and not criticizing her at all made something in Bellamy’s chest ache. He thought she was special before, but now… He’s completely certain.

Bellamy nuzzled his nose against her cheek before lowering his mouth right by her ear and whispering only for her to hear, “I think my friends like you.” 

Clarke grinned, looking over to him and meeting his blissful gaze. She could see how happy that made him and that in turn made her all the more so. She leaned into his neck and breathed a heady sigh of content when he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She leaned into the warm pressure of his lips, pressing a hand over his where it still rested on her thigh and lacing her fingers over his. 

Raven left after the pizza was gone, claiming that she was in serious need of a ‘food coma’. That left Octavia and Clarke stranded, so Bellamy promised he’d drive them home later. Well, that was the plan until Octavia passed out on the couch around eleven and Miller was already long asleep in his own room. 

Bellamy and Clarke were vaguely aware of all their friends whereabouts, but chose to remain focused on each other and on the television. They casually guided slow hands over each other's arms and legs as they finished watching season two of The Office. It wasn’t until the credits started rolling on the last episode that Clarke turned her attention to Octavia.

“Are you gonna wake her up?” She whispered to Bellamy.

He tilted his head back and forth a little bit, face scrunching up a little as he contemplated. Then in a long breath he decided, “Nah. She’s already asleep, better not to disturb her.” 

Clarke nodded in understanding and then Bellamy was squirming a little bit underneath her.

“I am going to bring her to bed, though. If she falls asleep on the couch she’ll be hurting tomorrow.” Bellamy whispered to Clarke, gently patting her thigh as a subtle message to move her legs off of him and let him get up. 

She sighed, not wanting to be without his body next to hers, but nonetheless dropped her legs from his lap and slid down into the chair when he got up. Bellamy leaned down and pressed a short kiss to her cheek, “Thank you.” 

Clarke just smiled weakly and yawned as he turned around and strolled over to the couch. She watched with admiration as he gently tucked his arms under Octavia’s knees and upper back, lifting her carefully off the sofa and walking slowly over to an ajar door on the far right side of the room. He pushed it open with his back before disappearing into the room with Octavia. When he came back out, he was empty handed.

Clarke watched him grimace as he looked over the state of his living room. There were dinner plates everywhere and empty glasses showering over the floor. 

“Shit.” He mumbled with a grimace, reaching a hand up to scratch the back of his head. 

Clarke looked on with an amused smile, “Need some help?” 

His eyes immediately widened, “I couldn’t ask you to do that.” 

She got up off the chair and started picking up some cups, waving them in the air as she shrugged, “You didn’t. I offered.” 

He let out a sigh of resigned defeat and started to pick up the plates scattered around his living room. Clarke helped, grabbing cups and plates near where she was standing and following Bellamy into the kitchen when they were done. She watched as he placed them down into the sink and followed him suit, placing the ones in her hand on top of his. 

“You wash, I dry?” Clarke asked nonchalantly.

He raised his eyebrows a little before lowering his gaze to her and shrugging, “That’s okay. I can worry about it in the morning.” 

He really didn’t want Clarke to think back on the times she’d hung out with him and remember nothing but mopping up spills and cleaning dishes. 

“Nonsense.” She rebutted, “it’ll get done quicker this way.” 

He shook his head a little, about to protest again, but then she was picking up a plate and placing it in his hands. She raised her eyebrows expectantly and he sighed, admitting defeat. Bellamy started the water and one by one, washed all the food and drink out of the dishware. Clarke took each one greedily as they came, drying them carefully before slipping them onto the rack by the sink. They stood in a comfortable silence as the minutes passed. But Clarke smiled a little to herself as she looked up at him and thought about how he carried Octavia to bed. With that thought in mind, she broke the silence. 

“You’re a really great brother, Bellamy.” She whispered as she placed the third clean dish into the rack by the left side of the sink. 

His hands froze on the cup he was cleaning and he brought his gaze to her face, which was screwed in concentration.

“The way you take care of her.” She continued, “I mean, you had to be so much more than a brother. You had to be her mother, and you had to be her father. You had to keep her safe, and healthy, happy. I can’t imagine how difficult that was. And I know you must have failed, too. We all do. I bet you think her pain is your fault, that you should be the one to bear it, so she doesn’t have to. But she’s human, and pain makes us stronger. You influence her, Bellamy, but you don’t control her. Part of being human is learning to cope with loss, with agony. You helped her get strong enough to deal with the pain. And look at her now, because of that. She’s strong, and confident, and smart. She’s happy. That’s all because of you.” 

Bellamy swallowed around the lump in his throat and slowly dropped the cup he was holding into the sink, letting it collect water as he moved his hands to the towel next to Clarke. He quickly dried his hands before turning to face her completely. His eyes held that same awestruck look they did earlier on the armchair. For a moment that felt like an eternity, he held her gaze, silent words passing between them as Clarke nervously fidgeted with her fingers. 

“Bell-”

And then his hands were on her cheeks and he was leaning towards her. She watched with unwavering anticipation as his eyelids fluttered closed and right before he met her lips, she closed hers as well. His lips were soft, yet rough, and she thought that was perfect. They symbolized him faultlessly. Bellamy was a little rough around the edges, but inside, he was soft. The way he moved had Clarke melting into him, his mouth pulling at hers and then letting go, leaving her wanting. His tongue was strong and dominant, lashing against her own in a duel that left them both victorious. She met his every movement with one of her own and he moaned just barely into her mouth when she bit down just slightly on his bottom lip, dragging it gently towards her. She felt her skin tingle as his hand slid from her cheek to the back of her head so he could hold her hair and keep her pressed to him. Her own hands found a home on his waist, gently squeezing his muscles whenever the kiss got too heated. She subconsciously trailed them upward however, eventually letting them fall over his shoulders and intertwine behind his neck.

When he pulled away, it was with a smile. Clarke leaned forward to rest her forehead against his, letting their labored breaths mingle with each other. 

Then Bellamy swallowed and licked his lips a little, letting out a sigh that sounded almost like a laugh, “Damn, Clarke.” 

She laughed back, eyes closing as she agreed, “Yeah. That was… something.” 

And Bellamy felt his stomach dip because standing there, forehead pressed to Clarke’s and the heat of her mouth still on his lips, he knew he was starting to fall a little bit in love with her. He could picture himself with her so clearly, so effortlessly. It was only the beginning, but dammit… Bellamy was in danger. 

“Thank you.” He whispered, nuzzling her nose just barely with his own. 

Clarke pursed her lips a little, “For…?”

“For what you just said about Octavia. I really needed to hear that, so thank you.” He clarified with unwavering sincerity. 

Clarke laughed a little, “I couldn’t tell by your reaction.” 

He laughed back, playfully pushing her shoulder a little bit and then pulling her back towards him when it made her lean away, “Oh, like you didn’t enjoy every second of if.”

And then she was leaning into him and pressing her lips to his once again. This time it was more messy, teeth clattering against each other because neither one of them wanted to stop smiling. She was the one that pulled away this time, conceding, “You’re right. I did enjoy it.” 

He just hummed with a smirk, gently tucking her blonde hair behind her ear and scanning his eyes over her face. 

Clarke saw the vulnerability behind his dark chocolate eyes as he uneasily sawed his teeth over his bottom lip, “Can I be honest with you?” 

She immediately nodded without conscious thought, and that scared her. Clarke just felt so comfortable and safe with him. But they’d only known each other for a very short time and it scared Clarke to death that she was getting too attached. She didn’t want to get blindsided by another guy. It was just so easy with him. He made it so easy. 

“I’ve… I’ve never felt this comfortable around someone this quickly.” He announced with a shy blush, “Is that crazy?” 

Clarke hung her head down a little as a laugh erupted from her. It wasn’t humorous, it was just… perfect. His mind was in precisely the same space as hers and she’d be lying if she said she was surprised. He had been perfect in every other regard, so why not this too? She was here worrying about falling too hard too fast and he just admitted that he was on the exact same page. She swallowed as the fear rolled through her. This man held the power to shatter her heart. God, she was in trouble. 

He looked away and Clarke could see him shutting down, eyes squinting down a little in embarrassment. Then her heart started pounding as she realized she just laughed at him after he was vulnerable with her. 

“No, no, no.” She stuttered out, grabbing his shoulder to get his attention, “I wasn’t laughing, it’s just… I was thinking the exact same thing.”

He met her gaze then, a shocked smile creeping its way onto his lips, “Really?” 

“Really.” Clarke repeated, subconsciously starting to play with the hairs on the back of his neck. 

And then he watched as her face suddenly crumpled and she let out a rushed breath, “My mother wasn’t sick, she overdosed on drugs.” 

Bellamy was so taken aback he actually retreated a little bit backwards. His eyes went wide as he watched the tears start pouring down her face. Two seconds ago they were in a state of pure bliss and now all of a sudden she was sobbing over her mother. He felt like he was in a freaking twilight zone.

“I…” He stuttered, shaking his head as he tried to figure out what the hell he was supposed to say.

“I’m sorry!” She brought a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes, “God, I didn’t even mean to blurt that out, It’s just… I haven’t told anybody. Nobody knows the truth. I’ve had this burden on my shoulders for so long and I haven’t had anyone to share it with and here you are, all open and kind and… I don’t know.” 

Bellamy swallowed hard and reached for her hands, taking them both in each of his own and squeezing them tightly. He waited until her eyes slid up to his to speak. 

“Hey, I told you at Mount Weather that if you ever needed someone to talk to, I’d be there for you. I meant that.” 

His voice was soft and patient, and it made chills crawl up every inch of Clarke’s exposed arms. He ran his thumbs gently over her knuckles and she tilted her head slightly to the side. Then, she was moving forward and lifting herself up onto her tiptoes. This time she didn’t make a move for his lips, but rather tucked her head onto his shoulder and let her hands slip from his in favor of wrapping her arms around his neck. He sighed into her hair and returned her embrace, bringing his arms around her back and holding her firmly against him. He let his eyes flutter closed as she pet the back of his head. 

“I don’t normally do this, but if you want to stay the night…” He started before stuttering a little as he realized what that sounded like, “Purely platonically, of course.”

Clarke laughed as she pulled away, “Bellamy, I think you’re forgetting that your sister is in your bed.” 

He grimaced as he let out a groan, “Urgh, remind me again why I didn’t just wake her up?” 

Clarke shrugged with an amused smirk, “Because you’re a good brother.”

He huffed, “Yeah… except now I’m seriously debating whether or not being a good brother is worth losing out on your kisses.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows, “Seriously?” 

He rolled his eyes and leaned down to give her a peck on the lips, leaving his head at her level as he confirmed, “Seriously.”

————————————  
2 days later.

When the door swung open, Bellamy was stunned to see a tall black man standing in front of him. The man was about an inch taller than him, and Bellamy would be lying if he said he didn’t straighten his posture out in response. He had an intimidating stature, but soft eyes that took a lot of his fear factor away. Bellamy’s heart was pounding, and he was starting to think that he must have the wrong apartment when suddenly the man smiled widely. 

“You must be Bellamy.” He greeted, holding out a hand, “I’m Wells, Clarke’s roommate.” 

Bellamy sighed in relief and took the guy’s hand, shaking it firmly, “It’s nice to meet you, Wells.” 

“Well, come on in. Clarke should be ready any second.” Wells moved backwards against the door so Bellamy could get by him.

He moved into the apartment with a curt nod towards Wells. 

After a few minutes of awkward small talk, Clarke emerged from the bathroom. 

Bellamy practically gasped when he saw her walking towards him. Her blonde hair hung loosely in soft curls and there was a layer of light makeup decorating her pale face. She was wearing a light pink dress that criss crossed over her chest in a low neckline and had a strand around the waist that tied into a loose bow on her right side. She wore toffee colored sandals that strapped around her ankle and across her toes. 

"You look amazing." He smiled at her, shaking his head just barely in awe. 

Clarke smiled and blushed, "Thank you." 

Then she moved fully into the room and looked between the men, “I take it I don’t need to introduce you two?” 

Bellamy just shook his head in response before reaching for her hand and taking it firmly in his, "Ready to go?” 

"Ready.” She confirmed with a smile before turning to her friend one last time, “Bye Wells." 

“Have fun." Wells responded as she and Bellamy headed out the door.

He guided her into his car and they were on their way. 

It was bizarre how many emotions were suddenly coursing through her now that it was a real date. They’d already talked about deeply personal things, cuddled together on a sofa, and hung out with his friends. Hell, they even made out in the passenger's seat of his car. It wasn’t fair how much pressure being on an actual, official date put on them. It shouldn’t feel any different. But it did. 

Clarke was giddy, and nervous, and overjoyed. Her blood ran hot under her skin and her heart pounded heavy with warmth and passion. She had never felt this way about anyone before. Bellamy’s the first man she can really, truly see herself falling completely head over heels in love with. Part of her is still terrified that it couldn’t possibly be real. Part of her is still waiting for the rug to be ripped out from under her. Clarke could feel her walls breaking down around him and it was a scary sensation to feel her vulnerability poking holes in her defenses. She was teetering on the edge of holding herself back and just letting go and trusting him with her heart, and Clarke wasn’t very good at letting go. 

Bellamy just kept glancing over at her from behind the wheel of his car, taking in the adorable way she pulled at the thin ends of her hair when she was nervous. She looked so beautiful like this, when she was just natural and being. There are just so many things he adores about her. Like that damn smile. That stomach-dropping grin that made her eyes seem so much brighter and tilted his world on its axis. And her amazing, welcoming energy. The way she deeply cares about people and supports them through the toughest times in their lives even when she carries the weight of the world on her own back. 

But… he couldn’t help his mind from running back to the man that opened her door. I mean, Bellamy’s not sexist or whatever, but a girl living with a guy she wasn’t dating was a tiny bit odd, right? Was he a prick for thinking that? How do they deal with her bringing guys home and him bringing girls home. That has to be awkward, doesn’t it? He couldn’t hold back his curiosity any longer. 

“So,” He said after a minute of silence, clearing his throat, “You live with a dude.” 

Clarke watched with wide eyes and a shiteating grin as a blush crept all the way up to his ears. Was he really thinking about that?

“That’s uh… that’s cool, I guess.” He stuttered, tapping the wheel with his finger a few times. 

Clarke couldn’t hold back a laugh then and Bellamy looked over at her for just a second with a playful glare. 

Oh, this would be fun. 

Wells was gay. Clarke knew that very well, but Bellamy had no idea. She had an opportunity to get him squirming a little and given that he refused to tell her where they were going on this mystery date, she decided she was allowed to tease him back. 

“I do.” She answered simply, not giving him anything.

Clarke watched as he bit down on his bottom lip and in response, she shifted in her seat a little, getting comfortable. 

“You guys friends?” He asked with strain in his voice.

Clarke tried as hard as she could to keep her voice steady as she responded, “Oh, no. We’ve been dating on and off for three years.” 

She watched him pale and his eyes flew open. The car swerved a little as the shock ran threw him, “What?!” 

“No! Shit Bellamy, watch the road!” She yelled and laughed simultaneously, “I’m just kidding!” 

His features settled down again as his adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “Oh.”

She could sense he was still critical though so she reached out and put a steady hand on his thigh. 

“Bellamy.” She said matter-of-factly, her tone teasingly condescending, “Wells is gay.” 

His eyebrows skyrocketed to his hairline and a shocked breath spilled from his lips as he repeated, “Oh.”

Clarke patted his thigh twice as her laughs faded off. 

They spent the day at a lakeside picnic, laying in the sun and feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries. They drank rosé and walked into the water up to their knees. Bellamy kissed her like it was the last time he’d ever get to. 

He kisses her like that on their next few dates too. 

And the ones after those.

Clarke learns that it’s just the way he kisses. Is it selfish for her to hope that maybe it’s just the way he kisses her? She doesn’t want to believe he’s kissed other girls the same way. She decides to just suck it up and ask him one night at dinner.

“Do I what?” He choked on his water.

Clarke repeated with less patience this time, “Do you kiss me differently than you kissed other girls?”

He looked like he was contemplating for a moment before he tilted his head and admitted, “Sure. I mean, I mostly just play off of what you give me, so it can’t possibly be the same, right?” 

She shrugged a little, her lips forming a slight frown, “I guess.” 

He swallowed then, squinting his eyes as he inferred, “But that’s not what you wanted to hear.”

Clarke shook her head in agreement, whispering so only he could hear, “I don’t know, it’s just when you kiss me… it feels like it’s only us. It’s so passionate and desperate. Maybe…” She looked down in embarrassment, feeling her cheeks heat up, “Maybe selfishly I hoped that it was specific to me. That it means more.” 

He immediately grabbed her hand and pulled her focus, looking her deep in her ocean eyes as he swore, “It does. It does mean more, Clarke. That much I can promise you.” 

She nodded and leaned down to kiss his knuckles before they carried on conversation about whether or not the upcoming weekend was hot enough for a beach trip. 

With every date they went on, Clarke felt herself getting closer and closer to him. She felt her walls crumbling and her resolve shaking. Her life was slowly starting to depend on him, and she couldn’t even say that was a bad thing. 

But now… now Clarke was struggling. There’s this secret she has that she hasn’t told a single soul. Her mother was the only other person in the world who knew about it. She had never gotten to the point in a relationship before where she felt like she needed to tell her partner. Actually, Clarke assumed it would be her secret to hold alone until marriage. Problem is, she wants to tell Bellamy. 

It was around month four of their relationship when Clarke started to really debate it. The worst part was that she could tell Bellamy sensed something was wrong. It was in the little, concerned glances he sent her and how his hand lingered in hers when she started to pull away. She knew he would never pressure her to tell him anything, but she also knew that relationships are built on trust. She didn’t only want to trust him with this, she needed to. 

Clarke Griffin, 11:24pm  
Hey Bell. I really need to talk to you. I know we were planning to go hiking tomorrow, but I was wondering if you could just come over instead. Wells is away. 

She paced back and forth as she waited for a response, tapping her fingers uneasily against the back of her phone. When none came in the next five minutes, she started to feel her heartbeat hasten. He was always near his phone. She laid down on her bed and stared up at her white ceiling, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths to try and calm herself down. The minutes just kept passing by and she felt her lungs becoming heavier and heavier, panic building in her chest. 

Clarke Griffin, 11:33pm  
I’m sorry. 

She sent it with shaking hands and tears brimming in her eyes. Still, no reply came. Clarke was starting to feel like she messed up everything and decided to distract herself by changing into pajamas and making herself some black tea. When she came back to her phone ten minutes later, the screen was lit up with his name. It vibrated impatiently against her mattress and she picked it up as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand. 

“Clarke, hey, are you okay?” His voice came out in a rush the second she answered, worry ingrained in his tone. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.” She assured, her voice much more strained than she wanted it to be.

“You don’t sound okay.” He rebutted and she could imagine him pacing back and forth as he spoke. 

“I promise.” Clarke settled on, curling the arm not holding her phone around her midsection. 

She heard him take a reluctant breath before he asked, “You said you needed to tell me something?” 

Clarke shook her head before realizing she needed to verbalize, “Not on the phone. Can you please come over tomorrow, I’m sorry, I know you were looking forward to hiking but-”

He cut her off before she could finish, “Screw hiking. Of course I can come over to your place. I can bring coffee or something. What time?” 

She breathed a sigh of relief and smiled a little at his immediate agreement. This is exactly why she wanted to tell him. This is why she trusted him. 

“Thank you.” she said with sincerity, “Just after ten maybe. I got back from the hospital like twenty minutes ago and want to sleep in a bit tomorrow before my night shift.” 

“Okay.” He agreed and silence passed between them for a few beats before his voice was raising with concern and skepticism again, “Are you sure you're okay?” 

“I’m sure.” She whispered into the phone, “I’ll be better after tomorrow.” 

“Well in that case, I’ll be there at ten on the dot.” 

Clarke actually laughed a little bit, saying with zero heat whatsoever, “You’re such an idiot.” 

She could practically sense him smiling on the other side of the phone. 

“Well then, you’re dating an idiot.” He refuted smugly. 

“I guess I am.” She whispered, but her voice carried more fondness than it did teasing. 

He didn’t respond for a minute, but when he did, his voice was low with a mirroring fondness, “Get some rest, Clarke.” 

She felt her lips twist up into a soft smile, “Goodnight, Bell.” 

She hung up the phone and fell onto her mattress, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths. She just couldn’t believe this was happening. She was really going to tell him.


	3. The secret’s out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy learns the truth, meanwhile Echo makes Clarke question everything. 
> 
> *warning: there is smut in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where it gets angsty my friends... don’t worry. Brighter days are coming, I promise.

It probably doesn’t have to be pointed out that Clarke barely slept that night. She threw herself around in her sheets and just all in all could not seem to get comfortable. Her head started aching and her foot shook restlessly. She lifted her phone multiple times during the night to check the time, groaning as she watched the hours tick by. 

1:17

2:54

3:33

5:04

By seven it became patent that her body had no intentions of stopping fighting with her mind, so she begrudgingly admitted defeat. She forced herself to her feet and slid out of her pajamas. In slow motion, Clarke tugged on a light blue sundress and went to comb her hair. It wasn’t that she wanted to look nice, it was honestly that wearing a dress saved her from having to put on pants and a shirt. She brushed the back sections of her hair out of the way and tied the two front sections into a ponytail behind her head so her hair was in a half up half down do. She didn’t bother with makeup, opting instead for a little moisturizer and chapstick. It wasn’t the most practical thing to put a bunch of makeup on when she was more then likely going to be crying. Plus, Bellamy’s seen her without makeup before, it’s not like she’s one of those girls that bake themselves so heavily that they look like a completely different person without it. 

She winced as she looked at the dark circles under her eyes, but took relief in the idea of Bellamy bringing coffee in… 

Oh god. Still another two and a half hours. 

She tried to pass the time by running through the conversation she was going to have with Bellamy in her head. She made up hypotheticals, trying to figure out how to tell him best. 

At eight o’clock, she couldn’t take it anymore. Clarke was practically dead from lack of sleep, yet simultaneously climbing the walls with anticipation. 

Clarke Griffin, 8:03  
So, I lied about after ten. You can come whenever. Can’t really sleep. 

Bellamy never replied to her message but he arrived at her house right around 9:15, so she knew he must’ve seen it. 

Clarke jumped when he knocked on the door, but nonetheless took a deep breath and put on her best (fakest) smile and approached the entryway. She felt like there was a snake around her heart, and as she twisted the doorknob, it coiled itself tighter and tighter around the organ. Her anxiety was starting to barrel through her in a way that made her hands shake and her smile falter. Her chest felt like it weighed a hundred pounds and her shoulders sagged with the weight of it. 

But then she opened the door and saw him. 

Part of her worry faded away as she looked into his dark brown eyes and let his presence soothe her nerves. He wasn’t even trying to fake a smile, and that made the one on Clarke’s face fall completely. She could see the worry and fear in every feature that decorated his face. On the phone it was easier- she couldn’t see how much she was affecting him. But now… now she saw how much her vagueness and concern was plaguing him. He cleared his throat a little and waved his left hand towards her, gesturing to her latte. 

She smiled more genuinely this time, but it failed to be more than a mere shadow on her lips. Clarke took the drink from him and stepped out of the doorway so he could come in. Bellamy followed suit and closed the door behind him, not moving more than a few inches from the entrance. 

“Thank you for this.” She whispered into her drink, knowing the small talk was only making the weight of what she really had to say heavier.

He just nodded, proving her point. 

“You look-”

“Like a girl that didn’t sleep all night after working a fourteen hour day?” She filled in with raised brows, tapping her coffee lid anxiously. 

He shook his head with a disapproving look, “I was going to say like a princess.” 

Her eyebrows lifted even higher as a disbelieving breath slipped out of her mouth, skepticism drenching her tone as she repeated, “A princess?” 

“Yeah.” He shrugged, but there was still a weird pressure in the air and a lack of lightheartedness in his voice, “The dress. The hair. You look like Cinderella or something.” 

Clarke knitted her brows and pursed her lips a little, “Okay…” 

“I’m sorry.” He said next, walking closer to her, “I’m just trying to make this a little less… you know.” 

Clarke nodded and closed her eyes for a second as she whispered with an appreciative smile, “I know.” 

He smiled lamely, only one side of his mouth turning up. 

“Well, let’s do this.” Clarke nodded and bit down on her lip, suddenly walking passed him with speed before sitting down on one end of the couch and patting the cushion next to her. 

Bellamy took her hint and came to sit down. She could feel the concern radiating off of him as he adjusted himself so his entire body was facing her and placed his coffee down on the table. 

“Before I start, I need you to promise me something.”

He furrowed his eyebrows but nodded nonetheless, “Anything.”

“Just…” She sighed, putting her coffee down so she could take his hand, “I need you to listen for a little while, no interrupting. Let me get this all out first, okay?”

She watched as he nodded minutely, his eyes suddenly falling away from her gaze and settling on the ground. He rolled his upper lip between his teeth and started fidgeting a little with his fingers. Clarke could practically feel his palm start sweating in her grip and she gently smoothed her thumb over his knuckles in response. She wanted nothing more than to hold him tightly to her chest and promise him that everything was okay, but… this was important.

“When I was sixteen, my dad was working with a man named Thelonius Jaha on a nonprofit project to help immigrants trying to cross the border. He wanted to improve the lives of families struggling for a better life. Help people that weren’t…” Her voice cracked and Bellamy squeezed her hand in comfort, “People that weren’t as lucky as we were.”

“It was good work. Noble work. Or at least, that’s what my dad thought. He was a good man, a strong man. He never would’ve gone along with it to begin with if he knew the truth.” A single tear fell from Clarke’s eye and Bellamy reached up to catch it, swiping it off of her cheek, “Jaha was lying about wanting to help people. When he found out that the resources were diminishing, he signed an agreement to… to kill all of the people remaining in camps along the border. When my father found out, he wanted to stop it. He thought that if he told people, the word would spread and it would cause mutiny. He’d be able to save them all.” 

Clarke took a deep breath and turned away for a second, trying to collect her thoughts and keep her voice even. He was being so good, listening intently and caressing her hand and face. Bellamy was showing her how much he cared and how understanding he was without saying a word. It meant the world. She used that strength to go on. 

“He was planning to go public with the truth. My mother thought he would be condemning himself along with Jaha, but he didn’t care. He thought it was worth it to save innocent lives.” She sniffled, “I found out about all of it a few days before he planned the announcement, and I remember the look on his face.” Her entire body shook as she cried, “He was so scared. He didn’t care if he got in trouble, but he knew that the second I knew about all of it… I was an accomplice. It made him second think telling the truth, but I… I told him that two lives weren’t worth the hundreds that he could save. I don’t know if he ever debated it or not, because…”

She scrunched her eyes closed and squeezed his hand tightly as a sob wracked through her, needing the tether, “My mother told Jaha that my dad knew. She thought he would stop, or talk with my dad and figure something out, but Jaha doesn’t do anything that doesn’t benefit him.”

Bellamy’s eyebrows furrowed as her shoulders straightened and her voice suddenly became something other than upset. 

Her eyes narrowed and Clarke’s voice was angered as she grit out, “Two days after my mother told Jaha, my dad was found dead in an alleyway with four bulletholes in his chest.” 

Bellamy actually gasped, but Clarke could barely hear him. Her mind was back in that place. She was back in that place.

“There was so much blood. I remember his eyes were open, but they were empty… he couldn’t see me. I was yelling at him, begging him to just see me! But he was gone, and he was never coming back. His body was the last thing I saw before I was arrested. Jaha had connections in the force. He knew I knew, and to shut me up, he made use of those. I spent a year in Juvie for bullshit charges. He made it all up just so I couldn’t go to the police. He even called in psych evaluations and publicized them to ensure that if I told anyone anything, they’d think I was just crazy, or traumatic. Thelonious Jaha killed my father, killed hundreds of immigrants, and put an innocent sixteen year old girl in jail. He had a son too. He disowned Wells and threw him out on the street when he was eighteen. That’s when he moved in with me. A year after I finally got out. See, Jaha is alone in his schemes and in his life. That way he has no vulnerability. No weakness. He never got caught for what I know he did to my dad. For what he did to me and to my family. He’s a monster.” 

Bellamy caught her as she fell abruptly into his arms. He soothed his hands down her forearms and held her tightly as she shook.

“You’re the first person I’ve told about it. I’ve never… I’ve never trusted anyone with it before. Wells knows bits and pieces, but not everything. It’s just so damn heavy and I was so scared it would make me seem weak or fragile. I didn’t want anyone to look at me differently. What would people think of the snobby, white, privileged, teenage girl that went to jail? I’m not perfect, I’m not who my mother wanted me to be and I’m not who my father hoped I would become. I’m tainted.” 

Bellamy’s breaths were heavy and uneven, but they still kept her grounded. She focused on his exhales as she cried into his broad chest. His hands were strong on her back, holding her tight against him. She felt the heavy pressure of his fingertips along her spine and relished in their lure. 

He just held her for a moment, wanting all of the information wash over him before he spoke. He stroked her back and cooed gently into her ear, his eyes closing and allowing a few tears to seep down his tan cheeks. He felt her pain deep in his soul and wanted to make it all go away. 

“You’re so strong, Clarke.” Were the first words to pass his lips, his voice a confident whisper, “They would be so proud of you.” 

He felt the sleeve on his tee shirt soaking through with her tears as he continued, “You are amazing, you know that? All of this only makes it more so. The fact that you are who you are today- kind and generous and forgiving- after going through all of that is… it’s incredible, Clarke. You’re path could have been so different, so much darker, but you chose to stay good, to stay light. That’s true strength.” 

She shook as she continued to cry. His heart broke when the fractured sob fell from her lips, “It just hurts.”

He nodded and scrunched his eyes closed, tears falling down his own cheeks. 

There were unsaid words between them, probably a lot of them. It wasn’t really new – it had been going on for quite a while, actually. But… that wasn’t important right now. All Bellamy knew for sure was that he wanted to make at least some of her pain go away. He wanted to make her feel something else- something better.

So he slowly brought a hand up and brushed it over her cheek, his gaze anchored to hers. Slowly, he let his hand slide along Clarke’s jawline, the side of her neck, and then down her shoulders and forearms. She shivered and he stopped there, rumpling Clarke’s sleeve a bit on accident. He cared so deeply about her, and right now, it was stronger than ever before. Everything was stronger, yet simultaneously so soft, so intimate, and so tender. 

“Clarke, Can I… Will you let me make you feel good?” He asked in a hushed whisper, swallowing thickly around the tears in his throat.

He watched as her eyes glistened and felt his heart start pounding in his chest as she gripped his hand a little bit stronger and nodded ever so slightly. 

Clarke looked at Bellamy’s soul through his pupils, and said with a hitch in her breath, “Okay.”

Bellamy let out a fractured breath in return and brought his face closer to hers. Only a little, because he still wanted to see all of her beautiful features. Her words made his eyelids feel a little heavier. Clarke’s voice was raspy from the crying and the emotions still coursing through her (and maybe a little arousal, now), but still sweet, like always. 

“Okay.” He repeated softly.

They were both visibly overwhelmed by the events of the morning, and all they wanted was to be close. So, Bellamy moved his body to sit closer to her, and brought his head even closer. A lock of his hair brushed against Clarke's forehead, and like that their lips were ghosting over each other. 

Bellamy’s voice got softer, even more intimate, “I’m going to make you feel good, okay?” 

Clarke wasn’t able to breathe correctly after those words. The hand that wasn’t holding Clarke’s came to rest on her leg, bringing her body closer to his without even thinking about it – like a reflex, he was unable to let go of any inch of her. Bellamy moved to push her softly down onto the couch so that she was lying down and he was sitting between her legs. His hand found her waist, gripped it gently, and carefully gliding the pad of his thumb over her hip bone.

“I got you.” He whispered reassuringly, keeping his eyes trained on her. 

Clarke punctuated his words by grabbing his collar and pulling him up to her face, bringing his lips to hers. It was different this time. He wasn’t kissing her like he normally did, with fiery passion and desperation. This time there was so much… tenderness. It made Clarke sigh softly into his mouth. He caressed her cheek softly, gliding along her jaw to pull her even closer to him, deepening the kiss. Clarke’s breath caught in her throat when suddenly his hand was resting on her pelvis, applying an intoxicating pressure to her skin. 

He wanted nothing more than to feel Clarke’s skin against his own, to memorize every inch of her body and learn every little soft spot and preference. But they had time for that. Right now was about her. 

His hot palm rested on Clarke’s waist, then moved along her abdomen and chest before finally gliding all the way up neck and reaching her face. His thumb ghosted over Clarke’s lower lip, and she closed her eyes for a second, melting under the touch. A soft breath left her before Clarke reached down and took his hand in both of her own. With an intense and emotional gaze, she guided Bellamy’s fingers to her lips. He widened his eyes as she opened her mouth slightly to take two of his fingers in and let them rest on the tip of her tongue. Bellamy could feel his cock twitch in his pants but disregarded that thought, focusing on her. Clarke closed her lips around the fingers, taking them deeper in her mouth and sucking on them a bit so they would be wet. She blushed adorably while doing so, and the second she let go, Bellamy slowly brought his fingers away from her face and guided them down to her entrance. He retained eye contact as he slid her panties down and out of the way, watching as Clarke braced herself with her hands on the couch next to Bellamy’s chest.

“You’re so beautiful, Clarke.” He smiled softly. 

He trailed his hand downwards until his fingers reached the hem of Clarke’s dress, then proceeded to slowly lift the skirt until her lower half was exposed. He placed his hands on the soft skin of her thighs and relished in the way she sighed into his mouth. 

Clarke leaned up to kiss him again, her lips sliding against his warm ones. It was nearly as burning as the warmth spreading inside of her body- Nearly.

She nodded then and he took it as permission, so he held his breath and slowly let a single finger slip inside of Clarke. She mewled as he pressed in slowly, pumping in and out in more of a massage than anything else. Clarke moaned and her body arched into his hand wantonly. Bellamy took his time touching her there, trying desperately to meet his initial goal of simply relaxing her. He guided his pointer finger in and out, curling the pad of his finger along her inside wall gently so it would drag against her with every pump. 

“Breathe, baby.” He hummed, nuzzling her nose with his own. 

She nodded and then a moan escaped her lips. Bellamy watched fondly as an expression of pleasure took over her face. If there was a way for desire and fondness to consume you, Bellamy was sure that he would be burning right now. Clarke looked so precious underneath him like this, and it was hard for him to do anything other than admire her beauty. But he could also feel the tension in her body. It was in the little lines between her brows and the way she bit down on her lip to hold back her sounds.

“Just relax Clarke,” He soothed, leaning down and pressing his forehead against hers, “Just let go. Let me take care of you.” 

Clarke seemed to snap out of a trance at his words and then her shoulders were relaxing against the couch. Bellamy smiled as she captured his lips with her own. Then, high on her taste, he let a second finger slip into Clarke’s body. 

Clarke let out a breathless moan as he pumped his fingers in and out of her heat and caressed her waist. 

Before she could stop the word from falling off of her lips, Clarke moaned, “Bellamy… ”

He choked as she called his name, adoring the way she said it. God, yeah… that was definitely a turn on. 

Bellamy shifted his head down so he could attach his lips to her jaw and started kissing the sensitive flesh. Her moans gave him the encouragement to add a third finger and she sighed heavily. Clarke breathed out slowly, wrapping her legs around his waist and taking a moment to adjust to the stretch.

He imposed a slow rhythm, making sure that Clarke knew he was taking care of her, not just trying to get her off. There were so many emotions in this moment.

“You feel so good...” She hummed suddenly and he sucked on her neck, eliciting another moan from her. 

“That’s it, princess,” He cooed, smirking a little at the nickname he’d given her earlier, “Just focus on me. Focus on my hands, on your body, on the pleasure. Let go of everything else.” 

Clarke tried to quiet the heavy moan that passed her lips when Bellamy started to move a bit faster, one of her hands gripping the skin of his hip. Bellamy continued kissing down her neck and mumbling little reassurances to her. 

Clarke was completely lost in his warmth and the way he was making her feel. She tangled her arms around Bellamy’s neck, and he slid his head up from her neck to once again press his forehead against hers. Her hips swayed forward and then suddenly his fingers were hitting her even deeper. She let out a moan and Bellamy’s breath caught in his throat. He could sense as much as feel that she was reaching the precipice, so he moved his thumb to start circling her clit. He rubbed small circles over the collection of nerves at the same speed he pushed his fingers in and out of her. 

“Bell, I’m… I’m going to...” She stuttered out and he smiled softly, rubbing even faster as she moaned. 

“Let go, Clarke,” He encouraged, kissing her cheek, “Just let it all go.” 

And with one last move of his fingers, Clarke was gone. The pleasure exploded inside of her and she moaned loudly, shaking against him as she came all around Bellamy’s hand. He placed an arm around her waist and lifted her up a bit, continuing to thrust his fingers into her slowly so she could ride out the aftershocks. 

He slid out of her after a few moments and she sighed contently, reaching up to hold the back of his head and pulling him into her shoulder. She just held him there for a moment, trying to get her breathing normal again. Once her exhales evened out, he placed a kiss below her ear. 

“I really needed that.” She laughed a little on an exhale. 

“I couldn’t tell.” He chuckled back before his tone became serious again, “Oh, and Clarke?”

She hummed in question and he gently grasped her shoulders and pulled her off of him so she could look directly into his eyes as he spoke with confidence.

“You are not tainted. I don’t want to hear that ever again.”

Clarke has never wanted to say I love you to someone more in her entire life. It was on the tip of her tongue. It’s just… not the time. Not right now. 

“Thank you for proving me right.” She settled on instead, squeezing his hand just barely.

“What did I prove?” He asked with raised brows.

“That I could trust you.” Clarke shrugged faintly and smiled softly, “And that you were the perfect person to finally tell.”

His voice was soft as he promised, “I just want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter where we are, or what we become… I will always be here for you, Clarke.”

Clarke smiled lightly, and then Bellamy was taking her hand in his and intertwining their fingers, gently lowering his other hand to rest on top of Clarke’s other one so he could stroke the back of it. His eyes found the blonde’s one again, and he felt his chest grow a little less heavy as he took in her irises, which were significantly brighter now.

“I believe you.” 

Things went really well after that night. They went out more and they really started growing close with each other’s friends. It wasn’t until Harper’s baby shower that things started going downhill.

“I gotta give you props, you are one of the longer hookups.”

Echo’s low and raspy voice made Clarke jump, her hand slipping and pouring some of the wine over the rim of the glass and onto the table. She huffed out a frustrated breath of air before turning around and eyeing the tall brunette. They were standing in the kitchen one room over from Harper’s baby shower. Now was not the time.

“Excuse me?”

Echo crossed her arms over her chest and Clarke started preparing for a snarky comment. That’s why it confused her when her voice remained calm and moderate.

“Bellamy.” She clarified, “It’s only a matter of time before we get back together. He loves me, Clarke. Has he said he loves you?”

There it was. Clarke closed her eyes and breathed out, trying to calm her nerves so she wouldn’t snap. 

There was something else plaguing her however. Echo spoke with such certainty, such sincerity. One thing was clear- She fully believed what she was saying. Whether Bellamy felt the same way was a whole other thing, but… Echo believed this, and people don’t just believe something like that based on nothing at all. This was also the second time Echo’s warned her about Bellamy not being able to commit to a relationship, and Clarke would be lying if she said it wasn’t starting to scare her. It’s just… he seemed so genuine, and she was really starting to love him. All of the signs were positive ones, but then there were all these doubts swirling around in her brain. She was just… confused. 

But then she thought about the night she told him about her father and her time in Juvie and he was so good to her about it. More than good, he was incredible. That’s the Bellamy she knew, that’s the Bellamy she was falling in love with. She was trying desperately to trust that. 

But then a subtle smirk began forming on Echo’s lips and she shrugged, speaking like it was the simplest thing in the world, “You’re a pretty blonde distraction.” 

Clarke raised her eyebrows and Echo continued steamrolling, walking over to Clarke’s side and casually wiping up the wine that spilled on the table, “Let me guess, you told him some emotional story because he’s oh so trustworthy and he took it the best because he’s so sweet!”

Clarke felt her stomach drop to the ground.

“He does it for every single girl he’s ever been with. It’s who he is. He makes people feel comfortable, he makes them feel like they aren’t alone, and then he leaves them.” Echo threw away the paper towel she wiped the table down with, “We are meant to be. It’s why he keeps crawling back to me. I’m sorry Clarke, you truly seem like a great person, but I’m trying to save you the pain later.”

Clarke was speechless, bile rising hot and acidic in the back of her throat. Her stomach was doing cartwheels and the breath was knocked clean out of her. The world was standing still, all the people moving in slow motion. She had to reach out and grip the countertop with bright white knuckles. Clarke closed her eyes and tried to let it all settle over her, but it weighed more than she could carry. 

Was she wrong to let her walls down? Was she imagining this whole thing? Was she no different than every other girl he’s been with? How could she be this careless?

Echo said something else before walking away, but Clarke didn’t hear it. Her ears were blocked and pulsing. She tried her best to not pass out, but all she could think about was how bad she needed to get out. 

She felt like she was going to vomit as she walked briskly out of the kitchen. Clarke was on autopilot, her body moving without consent and her ears ringing. She stumbled out to the living room and found Bellamy, a groan escaping his lips when she couldn’t stop her body soon enough to not crash awkwardly into his shoulder. When she pulled away, he was looking at her with wide eyes and raised brows. Clearly he could see she was out of it because he dropped a hand to her waist to steady her.

“Clarke? Hey wha-”

“I need to go.” She interrupted, barely conscious of his own words, her mind racing and heart pounding, “I need to go, now.”

He shook his head just barely before stuttering, “What?”

Clarke couldn’t deal with this right now, she needed to be alone. She needed to think, alone.

“I can’t stay here.” She wanted to punish herself for the cracks that seeped into her voice, “I need to go.” 

He grabbed her shoulders and looked over at the other party guests, who were in their own little worlds. Then he looked over to the coat rack and nodded.

“Okay.” He agreed, concern in his tone, “Okay. So, let’s go.” 

Clarke pushed at his chest, shaking her head as the panic rushed through her, “No! No. I need to go alone.”

His eyebrows knitted together and she could see the despair blossom on his face. 

“Clarke, whatever happened, we c-”

“I need time!” She sighed, “Just trust me, okay. I need time alone. I… I’ll call you. I promise. Just… please.” 

She knew the only reason he agreed was because he could see the desperation on her face and hear it in her words. Bellamy’s expression was agonized as he nodded, eyes closing tight and adam’s apple bobbing harshly in his throat. 

Clarke raced out the door without so much as a second glance at the rest of the party, leaving Bellamy in her disastrous wake. He felt his chest grow heavy and breaths labored. He suddenly really didn’t want to be at this damn party anymore.

“Bell? Is Clarke okay?” Octavia came up to him with a concerned look on her face as she peered at the front door which had just closed with a bang.

His mouth hung agape but no real words came out, instead a strand of nonsensical syllables, “I… I don’t… I don’t know.”

Octavia’s expression softened and her voice lowered as she shifted on her feet, “Are you okay?” 

He repeated his previous sentiment, unsure of what else to say, “I don’t know.”

Honestly, his entire world was crashing down. All of the walls were closing in and his throat was swelling up. Clarke was allowed to be upset and need time alone, but something about the way she just left was way more serious than that. Something was really, really wrong. 

“Bellamy?” Raven asked suddenly, and he was drawn back to earth. 

She was looking at him with worried eyes and a frown as she pressed, “You look pale. Are you feeling okay?” 

He couldn’t do anything but shake his head and then she was flying into his arms. He let her hold him for what felt like hours before finally pulling away.

“Raven, Clarke… Clarke left. I don’t think she wants to be around me right now, but I’m really worried. Could you-”

Raven cut him off immediately, “Of course I’ll go check on her.” 

He nodded appreciatively, “I owe you.”

She shook her head, “You don’t owe me anything. I’ll text you, okay?” 

He nodded and then Raven was out the door. 

The next time he saw Clarke he was picking her up from her apartment to go to a Flag Day carnival with Raven and Octavia. Bellamy was just glad he picked up O first. He wasn’t sure if he could handle sitting in the car with Clarke alone for ten minutes after what happened at Harper’s. Raven was also meeting them there, so he was happy to have the two buffers. 

Octavia was singing along to some autotuned top 40 crap when he pulled up outside of Clarke’s apartment. He quickly shot her a text and five minutes later, she was strolling down the walkway. 

He felt his breath catch in his throat when he saw her walking towards the car in a pair of leggings and an oversized tee shirt. Her hair was in a neat braid but there wasn’t a trace of makeup on her face. She just looked… tired. 

“Hey girl!” Octavia shouted cheerfully when Clarke got in the car.

Clarke smiled back shyly, “Hey.” 

Bellamy greeted her as well and then they were on the road. He couldn’t help but keep looking back at her through the rearview mirror as he drove. He was sweating watching her lean uneasily against the window, staring into space with frown lines between her brows. She was clearly stressed and worried. He just didn’t know why. 

“You okay Clarke?” Octavia eventually asked and Bellamy let out a sigh of relief that he didn’t have to do it. 

The blonde jumped a little, eyes leaving the window for the first time and sliding to Octavia.

“Uhm,” She cleared her throat and looked down, “Yeah. Yeah, I just didn’t sleep great is all.” 

And if Bellamy didn’t know her half as well as he did, he might have believed that. 

“Oh noooo.” Octavia groaned, “That’s a bummer. Well, I’m sure we can get some coffee or something at the fair.”

“Definitely.” Bellamy agreed, meeting Clarke’s eyes briefly in the mirror. 

Clarke just smiled slightly and barely nodded before her gaze was lost again. Bellamy realized it was going to be a very long, trying day. Above all, however, he was worried. He wanted her to be okay.

They got coffees and then met Raven at the ferris wheel. Clarke spent most of the day talking to Octavia and Raven and barely acknowledged him. She was quiet and hesitant, with tired eyes and a small frown. She dragged her feet along the concrete and kept her gaze low on the ground. He spent the entire day trying to make her laugh with stupid jokes and little kisses on her forehead and cheeks. Bellamy tried as hard as he could to get her to open up without pushing her, but… now he was getting a little annoyed. 

She could at least tell him the general idea as to why she’s upset and not drive him absolutely crazy. Clarke was usually such a confrontational person, and this weird avoidance made him grow irritated. She always got pissed at him when he gave her the silent treatment. 

“You okay?” He asked hesitantly when Octavia and Raven chose to go on a ride that neither he nor Clarke wanted to, his eyes poring over the sharp lines of her shoulders, taut with tension.

She squirmed a little when the question escaped his lips, but hummed absentmindedly.

Bellamy sighed. Clarke was the one that always preached to him about not hiding feelings and sharing everything with each other, and now she’s the one holding back? It was hypocritical- something he never would have even considered an adjective fit to describe Clarke. It’s just… he has spent the entire day trying to make this better and she just kept brushing him off. And yeah, it was perfectly normal for her to be upset- healthy, even. She had a right to her own private issues, and he trusted she would tell him about them on her own time. It’s just that this is affecting their relationship, and that isn’t okay. If her secret was compromising what they had and actively involved him, he should know about it. That wasn’t a wild concept, was it?

He sighed and brought a palm up to rest over his forehead, “Clarke. You can’t just dismiss this.”

Her eyebrows raised slightly and she cleared her throat, “Dismiss what?”

Clarke’s voice was so soft and distant, and Bellamy could tell by the way she bit her lip at the end of her sentence that she was damn sure of what he was talking about.

“Stop.” He spoke a little louder than intended, wincing a little but continuing nonetheless, “You’re keeping something from me. I thought we didn’t do that.”

She closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh.

“Come on.” She whispered and then stepped in front of him, walking a few feet before sitting down on an unoccupied bench and patting the seat next to her. He received her gesture and sat down beside her, then steered his body to face her.

“You’re right, okay?” She nodded as she sawed her upper lip nervously between her teeth, “There is something on my mind. But, it’s something I need to figure out on my own. At least for a little while. Please just trust me on this.”

He sighed and closed his eyes for a second, fiddling with his fingers in his lap.

“I’m sorry, Clarke. Normally I would. It’s just… this is affecting us. Don’t you see that we’re getting distant? That you’re pushing me away?”

“Bellamy, please don’t push this.” Clarke’s voice cracked at the end of her sentence.

“Why aren’t you pushing this?! I tell you everything, Clarke! Things that don’t even remotely affect our relationship, but I’m supposed to just let this go?!”

Clarke started tapping her foot against the concrete and her knuckles went white where they gripped the edge of the bench.

Her voice was almost scary as she mumbled, “You tell me everything, huh?” 

Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief, “So what? Now I’m a liar?”

“That’s not what I said.” She defended, but her eyes remained downcast.

“Didn’t have to, princess.” She flinched when that word flew from his lips, like it had taken on a whole new meaning.

She took a deep breath before looking up at him, “I’m sorry if this is hurting you, but I just need you to trust me. Please, please just trust me.”

He shook his head and scoffed, “Why? You clearly don’t trust me.”

She tilted her head and her lips split into a frown, the emotions ransacking her face.

“You know what,” He announced, standing up from the bench and stepping a few feet away, “Call me when you’ve figured this out.”

Clarke’s eyes widened and watered with panic. She stood up rapidly and took a step towards him, shouting, “No! Bellamy, please don’t go!”

He scrunched his eyes closed and stepped away, feeling the vice around his heart tightening. Bellamy turned his back to her and walked away.

He walked away. Left her there.

The last thing he heard before he was out of earshot was a broken “Please.”

A single tear cut down his cheek as he approached his car. Fighting with Clarke was the last thing in the world he wanted to do. He just… dammit he cared so fucking much about her and if she was second guessing their relationship, he deserved to know about it so he could fight his ass off for it. Bellamy felt like his relationship was crumbling and Clarke swallowed the key to save it, giving him no chance. He couldn’t just sit there and watch his relationship shatter. And, he couldn’t yell at Clarke anymore. If he stayed, he probably would’ve said something he regretted and he cared too much about her for that. He just wished she had the same regard.

The drive home was the longest of his life.

It wasn’t until he got home that his phone started ringing.

He prayed it wasn’t Clarke. He couldn’t do this over the phone. He just needed time.

Luckily, it was Raven’s name that lit up the screen.

“Raven.”

“Why did Clarke just text me that she ubered home from the carnival?” Raven was yelling, completely omitting any actual greeting.

He felt his chest tighten a little bit.

“You didn’t drive her home?” He asked with genuine curiosity. He figured Raven would. He never would have left her otherwise.

“She didn’t even tell me she was going!” Raven yelled back and Bellamy sighed.

“Shit.” He muttered.

“Bellamy, what the hell?” She asked, exasperated.

“Look Raven, Clarke was upset when I left. We both need to be alone for a little bit. Hold off on the interrogation. I’m not in the mood.” By the end of his sentence his tone was agitated.

“Whatever.” She bit out and then hung up on him. 

He rolled his eyes and scoffed before throwing his phone down onto the couch. Bellamy didn’t want to lose her- he couldn’t lose her- but he also didn’t like being made the bad guy. He felt guilty for walking away from her, that’s for damn sure. That heat of the moment decision would keep him up at night. However, he also had a right to need time and to want answers. 

Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe he was completely in the wrong. But… he couldn’t change how he felt. It was a feeling that existed deep down in his soul, and he couldn’t just will it away. He just needed time.


	4. We were right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy find their way back to each other. But what does it take?
> 
> *smut warning for the later part of this chapter.

She knocked on Clarke’s door five times with no response. Raven let out a deep breath as she felt her pulse quicken. She knocked a few more times and when no response came, reached down to jimmie the handle. Worst case scenario she would have to pick the lock, which would suck and maybe be a little invasive, but this was an emergency and it’s not like Raven hadn’t broken into places before. 

Luckily, it didn’t come to that.

The door was unlocked and Raven was able to slip in easily. That was a good sign at least, it proved Clarke was home. Her friend would never leave her door unlocked if she wasn’t around.

“Clarke?”

No response came and Raven furrowed her brows, closing the door behind her before slowly scoping out the apartment, peering into each room in search of her friend. When she reached the master bedroom, the door was locked. Immediately she knew Clarke was in there. She knocked a few times and after a few seconds, heard a muffled groan in response. Raven took that as an okay to open the door and did just that, walking into the room and freezing when she saw Clarke.

The blonde was curled up on the floor beside her bed, legs pulled up to her chest and head buried in between her knees. Her hair fell like a curtain over her cheeks and masked the steadily streaming tears. Raven could tell she was crying, however, by the way her shoulders shook up and down in sync with her labored breaths. 

“Woah, hey, hey.” She raced forward and dropped to her knees besides Clarke, voice soft, “What’s going on?”

Clarke startled and lifted her head from her knees. For a moment she looked lost, her pupils desperately attempting to focus on Raven’s face. Her eyes were bright red and swollen, face pale. 

Her cracked whisper was barely audible, “It’s Bellamy.”

“Shit.” Raven immediately sighed, reaching to wipe some of the tears off Clarke’s face, “Is this about the shower? What happened?”

Clarke shook her head, “No. Well, partly, I guess.” Her voice altered into a complete sob as she finished that thought, “Raven, I think he’s cheating on me.”

Raven’s hand froze of Clarke’s cheek, her body weight falling back a little bit onto her heels. Her eyes narrowed.

“That’s… not possible. I’ve seen how much he cares about you, Clarke.”

The blonde shook her head and felt her body shake as she elaborated painfully, “Apparently it is. He’s back with Echo, or never left, I don’t know. All that I know for sure is that I’m… second place.” 

Raven still stood firm, insisting, “Clarke, he would never.” 

Clarke cried, jolting away from Raven’s touch so she could reach for her phone. In a matter of seconds she pulled up the text message from Echo. She tried not to look at it again herself, not needing to feel that pain for a second time, and held it up for Raven to see. 

“Okay, then explain this!” She shrugged, waving the screen in the air.

The brunette’s narrowed eyes slowly began to widen as they scanned over the image. She let out a gasp of disbelief and shook her head minutely. It was clear that she was awed, if not aghast by the image. Her mouth was moving but no words came out, the shock rolling through her. 

Clarke wiped under her eyes as Raven kept staring, “I just feel like such an idiot. I should’ve known a guy like that could never be into a girl like me. He was too perfect and I’m too…” Her voice cracked, “I’m too much of a mess.” 

Raven shook her head and took Clarke’s face in her hands, “Hey, you are perfect. You are beautiful, and funny, and intelligent. Any guy would be damn lucky to have you.” 

“Then…” Clarke cried, shaking until Raven’s hands fell from her face and croaking, “why?”

The brunette’s bottom lip quivered as she felt Clarke’s pain becoming her own. Bellamy was her best friend. They told each other everything. He let her cry in front of him and use his shoulder to lean on when the world got too heavy. If he cheated on Clarke- if he made her feel this terrible- he wasn’t who she thought he was. Raven felt the betrayal sweeping through her. 

“I don’t know. I wish I did. Bellamy’s one of my best friends, and I never…” Raven whispered honestly, “I never would have thought he’d do something like this.” 

Clarke let her head fall back into her knees and her entire body shook as the sobs tumbled out of her mouth. Raven ran a hand through her hair, gently trying to soothe her.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke. It doesn’t… it doesn’t make any sense. This isn’t the Bellamy I know.” 

“I hate him so much right now,” The blonde whimpered almost ruefully, “but I still want him!” 

Raven’s heart broke and she leaned in to take Clarke completely into her arms, cooing gently, “I know, I know. It’s gonna be okay.”

Clarke let her legs fall down in favor of Raven’s embrace and let her forehead sink down to rest in the crook of the other girl’s shoulder. Raven soothingly rubbed up and down her back, gently shushing her and rocking her softly.

After a few minutes Clarke croaked, “Why her?”

Raven steeled. All of a sudden the betrayal and hurt began to fade away and be replaced with a much stronger, much more intense emotion. Clarke was fucking amazing. She was not only kind and loyal to Bellamy, but to all of his friends as well. She was the best girl he had ever been with and the only one that Octavia had approved so far. Clarke was special, and unique, and incredible- and Bellamy ruined that for Echo?

Echo. Who was never kind unless it got her something she wanted in return. 

Echo. Who slept with Bellamy years ago and left him confused and insecure once she shook him off like he was nothing. 

Echo. Who’s been tormenting Clarke since the second she walked into Octavia’s house the first night Clarke met their friends. 

Raven fumed, the anger bubbling over as she started to rise from the ground, “That’s exactly what I’m gonna find out.”

Clarke grabbed at her wrist to stop her from moving and cried out, “No!”

“You deserve answers, Clarke!”

And at first Clarke was ready to scream back, but as a few seconds passed, something shifted in her face. She bit down on her bottom lip and nodded just slightly. Raven was almost as stubborn as she was, so Clarke knew that if she wanted to get answers from Bellamy, nothing was going to stop her. Plus, no matter how much it stung, there were questions Clarke wanted answers to as well. 

She lowered her voice to a soft whisper before saying calmly, “I already tried to call him, Raven. I couldn’t go through with it, and he didn’t answer anyway. If you do this, I can’t be here when he finds out that I know.”

Clarke wanted answers, but not badly enough to see him face to face again. She couldn’t bear it.

Fortunately, Raven seemed to understand, nodding minutely as she asked, “Where will you go?”

There was only one place she could go. Only one place, aside from Washington, that she knew like the back of her hand. Only one place that would be far enough away from him that he couldn’t follow. 

“Home.” She shrugged, standing up so her and Raven were back at eye level, “New York. There’s nothing left for me here.”

Raven’s eyes hollowed and her voice was despaired, if not the tiniest bit betrayed when she claimed, “We’re still here. Your friends.”

Clarke melted again, tears brimming in her eyes and lip shaking. With a fractured voice she spoke honestly, “It’s just too painful, seeing you guys… it’s just a reminder…” 

A reminder of him. Of everything he’s done, everything he represents, her pain, and his disloyalty.

“Okay.” Raven spoke with a broken voice that mirrored Clarke’s own, “I understand. Now, you pack, and you text me every single detail, got that?”

Clarke nodded.

“Good.” Raven said with a loose smile before suddenly her anger was back tenfold, “Now, I need to go yell at a nerd.” 

Clarke let out a watery laugh and then reached forward, enveloping Raven in her arms and rubbing soft circles into the small of her back, “Thank you, Raven. For everything.” 

She just nodded softly, biting her lip to keep the tears at bay. Raven backed away and started to walk away from Clarke and right before she left the room, turned with teary eyes and spoke one last time.

“Be safe, Clarke.”

And with that she left. Well, more like began her journey. Raven had heat rolling off of her as she paraded through the apartment building and into the parking garage. She drove with an unmatched rage and when she parked in front of Bellamy’s building, she took up two spots. The car was barely in park before she was jumping out and racing into the building. The image of Clarke sitting alone, crying into her knees, and whimpering about how inadequate she was kept running through Raven’s head and fueling her fire. She didn’t bother with the elevator, knowing it would take too long, and instead tackled the stairs all the way up to his apartment. 

When Raven arrived, Bellamy was going through the bookshelves on the back wall of his living room. He heard a fast, clearly angry knock on his front door and jogged up to open it, immediately being thrown backwards.

“Are you insane?!” Came Raven’s booming voice followed by ground shaking stomps as she came parading into his apartment, waving a finger in his face. 

She was absolutely fuming, cheeks flushed and eyes narrow as she glared at him. The fiery brunette was pushing him backwards with one hand on his right peck, giving him little shoves to prove her power and how angry she was. Bellamy was just confused, reaching out to grab her wrist and yanking it away from his chest.

“What the hell, Raven?!” He yelled, accusatory as he stepped a little towards her to show he wasn’t backing down. 

“That girl is the best thing that’s ever happened to you and you just had to go fuck that up, huh?!” She shouted, shaking her head in complete disbelief, “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Bellamy shook his head, some of the anger trailing away and resurfacing as an entirely new emotion. Confusion flooded his whole system as he blinked for a long moment and reopened his eyes to see Raven still standing in front of him, still now. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest and her lips were in a thin, straight line. One of her eyebrows was cocked as she waited for his response, and probably also to pounce on him when it came. 

“Wait.” He held up a hand once he realized he wasn’t going to figure it out on his own, “What are you talking about?” 

“What do you think I’m talking about?!” She yelled, looking away from him as an aghast scoff flew from her lips. When she looked back at him and his expression told her he really didn’t know, her anger blended with a newfound disgust, “Clarke, you asshole! How could you do that to her?!” 

Bellamy narrowed his eyes at her and felt the irritation creep up his spine. He shifted his weight on the floor and scoffed. Was Raven seriously pissed about him walking away from Clarke earlier? She was lying to him about something and he pulled away so he wouldn’t yell at her, for God’s sake. He’s seen Clarke deal with trauma that would send most people far off the deep end, so he knew for a fact that she could handle him walking away- just for a second- to calm down; He wouldn’t have done it otherwise. He has a right to need time to cool off, and he has a right to be upset with her. It’s not illegal to be mad at Clarke Griffin, no matter how much he cared about her. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. All he did was walk away, planning to call her in the morning to discuss all of this, and now Raven was drilling him to the ground? There was no need to be this pissed off about it. Plus, it wasn’t Raven’s problem anyway. She had no right to stand in front of him all up on her high horse and accuse him of crap that didn’t involve her. She probably didn’t even know half the situation.

“Clarke can handle herself.” He said as much, tone sharper now, “She doesn’t need you to protect her. If she has a problem, she can talk to me about it.” 

Raven whipped her hands around in the air as she scolded, “She tried, jackass! You wouldn’t pick up the phone!” 

“I needed time to think.” He grit out, anger slipping back into his tone as he realized Raven had talked to Clarke about this and she wasn’t angry based only on what she saw. 

“You needed time?!” Raven sounded appalled, eyebrows shooting up to the ceiling before she suddenly lowered her voice to a whisper and confessed, “I went to Clarke’s apartment today to see if she was okay and found her sitting on her bedroom floor, bawling her eyes out.” 

Bellamy actually physically reacted to that, back straightening out as he stepped back a few inches. He knew that walking away from her would be upsetting, but he never imagined it would hurt her so deeply. He never in a million years would’ve done it if he knew she’d be so broken up about it. It was a hard punch in the gut to know that Clarke was in pain and he was the source of it. All he’s ever wanted to do was take away her pain. He still couldn’t help but find it a little odd, however. Clarke wasn’t a particularly emotionally open person and her crying over something so simple and impulsive was just sort of bizarre.

“What?” He stammered out, heart racing. 

Raven just looked flat out hurt now, almost in disbelief. 

“I’ve known you for six years now, Bellamy. I really thought I knew you better than this.” Her voice cracked slightly on his name, betrayal creeping into her tone, “I thought you were someone else. I guess I was wrong.” 

He was taken aback by how serious she was being, and astounded by the level of extremity this whole thing was reaching. Raven wasn’t just mad, she was hurt and betrayed. Clarke was crying. Bellamy just felt like he was missing a piece of the puzzle.

“You do know me.” He insisted, connecting his gaze to Raven’s as if to prove it somehow, tone even if not a little defensive as he spoke, “Don’t you think this reaction is a little extreme? I was going to call her in the morning to talk about it all. I didn’t mean to upset her by walking away, I just needed some space.” 

If Bellamy didn’t know any better he’d swear Raven choked on air as she eyed him like he was a wild animal at the zoo.

“Blake, there isn’t a reaction extreme enough to-” She stopped herself short, eyes narrowing as she spoke slowly, “Wait. Did you say walking away? That’s what you think this is about?” 

He stood his ground, “Is that not what it’s about?” 

“Of course not, you idiot!” She scowled, shaking her head in shock, a certain degree of disgust lingering in her tone. 

Bellamy leaned forward and gestured at her wildly with his hands, nonverbally asking her to explain whatever the hell she was talking about.

“You’re really gonna make me say it?” She whispered, eyes glassy and tone verging on mortified. 

He was eager to know what the hell he’d done that was so terrible it warranted Clarke’s tears and Raven’s unbridled anger, so he just nodded.

“She knows you cheated on her, you asshole.” She spit out, voice venomous, “She’s been nothing but good to you, and you cheated on her. Clarke’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you, and you blew it. You couldn’t keep your dick in your fucking pan-”

“Raven!” He yelled, every named emotion in the world combing through his body as he shouted with utmost sincerity and absolute confusion, “Are you crazy?! I did not cheat on Clarke!” 

She actually laughed, humorlessly, “Look, I’m done with the lies. I just really hope Echo’s worth all of this, Bellamy.” 

“I feel like I’m in a fucking dream or something. What the hell would give you the impression that I’m cheating on Clarke?! I would never. Nevermind with Echo!”

Raven reached into her left jeans pocket and as she pulled out her phone and unlocked it with her thumb, mumbled, “You know, after everything she went through with Finn, you’d think you’d have enough respect for her to tell her what was going on.” 

Raven continued sliding her thumb over the glass screen on her phone before she settled on an image, ramming her arm forward to show Bellamy the picture. His eyes widened as he took in the photo of Echo curled up on his bare chest, his arm wrapped around her shoulders and lips pressed to her hair. He all but gasped, the air completely leaving from his lungs and leaving him void of oxygen. When the hell had that been taken? He didn’t remember it at all. No fucking wonder Clarke was so broken up about all of this, if he’d seen a picture like that of her with someone else he’d be a wreck too! Bellamy tried to find the words, shaking his head as he tried to settle his rampant emotions. 

“You’re not even gonna try to deny it?” Raven accused, mortified.

“No!” Bellamy immediately shouted, “I mean, yes, of course I’m going to deny it! That never happened, Raven!” And said woman rolled her eyes, shoulders falling, “Look, Echo must have taken it while I was asleep or something. I would never, ever hurt Clarke like that. She’s everything to me, don’t you know that? Rav, come on. You know me. You know I’d never do this! And you know Echo, too! Which one of us do you think is more likely to be lying!”

Raven swallowed thickly, eyes for the first time trailing away from his as she lowered her phone and tightened her arms around her chest defensively, almost embarrassed.

“I didn’t know what to think.” She whispered.

God, Clarke was sitting at home right now, thinking he cheated on her. She’s doubting his love for her and it’s all because of Echo. He shook his head, bringing a hand up to his forehead and sighing before shouting, “Fuck!” 

He turned away from Raven and paced a few feet back and forth, his outburst making her jump. When he turned back to her, there was a never before seen amount of hurt on his face.

“This is why she’s been so distant.” He said aloud, the information dawning on him, “She thinks I’m with Echo.”

There was no more questioning in his voice, it was a series of statements- facts, but… It still killed him when Raven gave him a minute nod.

“Bellamy, what the hell happened?” Raven exasperated, and there was no heat to her voice anymore, just genuine curiosity and a little bit of sympathy. 

He over exaggerated a shrug and his voice wavered as he explained, “Nothing! I mean, I think something might have happened the night of Harper’s party. We were having fun, it was going well, but then Clarke disappeared for a little while and when she came back she basically ran out of the apartment. I was worried and upset about it and Echo comforted me, but nothing happened. She just said the basic shit, you know? ‘Everything’s gonna be okay’ and all that crap. I fell asleep at Harper and Monty’s place and when I woke up, she was gone.”

Raven lowered her head to look at the picture on her cell phone again.

“And you think she took this once you fell asleep.” Raven filled in what was implied, holding the picture out to him again.

“Makes sense, doesn’t it?” He scoffed, “And how much are you willing to bet that right before she ran out on me, Clarke had a conversation with Echo, and that’s why she was pulling away from me.” 

Raven shrugged, “No use in betting the truth. Nothing else makes sense.” 

“God, I’m such an idiot,” He scolded himself as he looked over the photo, “I never should’ve let Echo comfort me that night.” 

Raven shook her head, “You couldn’t have known.” 

“Wait…” Bellamy’s eyes suddenly narrowed as they looked at her phone screen and Raven sighed as she realized she hadn’t closed out the text above it this time.

“She sent that to Clarke?” He croaked, shoulders slouching down as he felt his heart break in his chest.

‘After boyfriend ran out on you he came running right back to me. Sorry blondie, but I warned you this would happen xx.’

Raven bit down on her lip and closed her eyes as she nodded, despair finally hitting her.

“Clarke saw this.” He choked out, already knowing it’s true but needing to say it out loud. 

Raven stood speechless, shifting her feet a little on the floor as waves of silence passed over them awkwardly and heavily. 

After a few minutes, Bellamy looked up with tears in his eyes, “I can’t lose her. Not now… not because of this. You’re right, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

“I know,” Raven agreed, nodding softly and reaching out to grip his forearm comfortingly, “And you won’t as long as you tell her everything you just told me. She’ll understand. But you need to tell her.” 

He ducked his head down, voice wavering as he questioned with dread, “And what if it’s already ruined? What if she doesn’t believe me, or doesn’t trust me anymore?” 

“Bellamy.” Raven squeezed his arm, catching his attention so he would meet her gaze, “That girl was completely destroyed when she thought you did that to her. You don’t react that way unless you really, really care about someone. If I’m right about how she feels about you, she’ll forgive you for anything.” 

He smiled a little and knitted his brows before Raven smirked a little and added, “And I’m never wrong.” 

“I’ve gotta go talk to her.” He announced then, turning away from Raven to reach for his keys when suddenly she was dropping her hand to grab his wrist, halting his movement.

“Wait. She’s not at her apartment.” Raven told him, her eyes suddenly going wide, “Shit!” 

“Shit, shit, shit.” Raven continued to mumble as she reached for her phone looking over Clarke’s last texts.

“Raven, what?!” He yelled, carefully taking her chin and tilting it up so she’d look at him.

She froze, tears brimming on her lower lids as she let out in one, shaky breath, “Clarke’s going home.” 

Bellamy furrowed his brows, “...Okay. What’s the issue?” 

“No Bellamy.” Raven yelled, looking him in the eyes as she emphasized, “She’s going home.”

His knees went weak and he practically fell to the ground as the words slipped passed his lips in a barely audible whisper, “New York.” 

“Yeah.” Raven nodded, panic in her voice as she slapped him on the bicep gently with the back of her hand, “You have to go!”

“To New York?!” He tucked his head back in surprise.

“To the airport!” She corrected, a smile starting to crawl up her face, “You have to stop her from going, you have to tell her everything!” 

“Right now?!” He asked, flustered and confused, “I don’t even know what to say!” 

“You’ll figure it out on the way!” She shouted, running behind him and pushing him towards the door, “There’s no time to waste, go! 

Bellamy finally nodded, “Okay.” 

There were so many emotions coursing through his body right now that he didn’t even know how to handle himself. He only had one coherent thought and that was that he needed to stop Clarke from leaving. So, he grabbed his keys and threw a jacket over his arms, racing to the door before turning to Raven briefly.

“Raven, thank-”

“Go!” She yelled, laughing as he nodded and ran out the door the second she gave him the boost. 

Once he was out the door, Raven found her smile staying on her lips, and she looked up to the sky and whispered to herself, “Please don’t get on that plane, Clarke.” 

She didn’t. 

When Bellamy arrived at the airport he was a rabid animal. He paraded through, grabbing the shoulders of practically every blonde head not facing him and whipping them around. He absentmindedly mumbled apologies and barely winced at all the dirty glances being sent his way. Every cell in his body was buzzing, and every time he turned a girl around (and one guy, oops) and realized it wasn’t Clarke, he felt his heart shatter a little more. His hope was starting to diminish as the minutes passed, and he felt his throat closing up on him as the possibility of Clarke already being gone became bigger and bigger. 

He wasn’t giving up. He wasn’t. He couldn’t.

His head was screaming at him that it was too late, that it was over, that she was gone. But his heart just kept pulling him through that damn airport. He wasn’t letting up until he cleared every inch of it, and he wasn’t giving up until she told him to. He wasn’t sure about it before, but right now, on the border of losing her, Bellamy knew that if he had to get on a plane and go to New York to get her back, he would. He would follow her across the whole damn world. 

Luckily it didn’t come to that, because right as his impulsiveness was about to take over and buy a ticket to Manhattan, he saw her.

She was grabbing a big, maroon suitcase off the baggage claim, glasses resting low on her nose and hair tied up in a small, messy bun on the top of her head. She looked awful, hunched over and dragging her feet like she hadn’t slept or eaten in days. His heart practically burst at the thought of that. 

Clarke was wearing a giant oversized evergreen sweater and a pair of tight fitting black leggings that disappeared into a tan pair of ugg boots. She’s never been more beautiful to him than in that moment.

His legs carried him over to her before he could even begin to process that his body was moving, arms flailing out to push away anyone getting in between him and Clarke right now. 

When she started to walk away, rolling her suitcase behind her, he felt his heart drop and all he could do was yell, “Clarke!” 

She turned in slow motion, her knuckles turning bright white as they tightened around the handle of her bag. He swore her face got ten times paler in a matter of seconds, mouth falling into a deep frown and eyes widening before scrunching closed. Her entire body tensed and she looked like she was about to fall to the floor, so he ran up to her and wrapped his fingers around her forearms, keeping her steady. She immediately shook herself out of his grip and backed a step away. The hurt and betrayal on her face was immense, and now that he was up close, he could see how awful she looked. Her eyes were swollen and there were bags starting to form underneath them. He was right- she definitely hasn’t been sleeping. 

“You need to leave.” Were the first words passed between them, Clarke’s voice soft and hollow.

He shook his head, feeling the tears welling up in his eyes as he absorbed the hurt in her tone, “Clarke, I promise you, I never cheated on you. I would never, ever do that to you. Echo’s lying, okay? Please come back with me.” 

He was practically pleading with her, looking deep into her ocean eyes and begging for her belief.

She looked away from him, lip quivering as she spoke again, “Look Bellamy, this has happened to me before. I’ve fallen in love with someone and then they were actually into someone else and I was played and it hurts.” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat before continuing, “It hurts really, really fucking bad so I need you to leave.”

Bellamy should’ve been angry that this has happened to her before, or worried she wouldn’t take him back, or determined to make her hurt go away- but his entire world froze when those words slipped passed her lips and his focus completely shifted. The world went into slow motion and all he could hear was his own heart booming in his chest.

“What did you just say?” He croaked, eyes widening as the awe coursed through him.

Clarke sighed, closing her eyes and repeating with a little more hesitation, “I need you to leave, Bellamy.” 

“No before that-” He immediately dismissed those words in favor of the ones that were making his world stop spinning right now, “that you’re... you’re in love with me?”

There was genuine curiosity in his tone, like he didn’t believe that anyone as incredible as Clarke Griffin could ever love someone like him. He knows he loves her. God, he loves her more than words could ever begin to describe. But they’ve never said those words out loud and the fact that they were slipping out now… 

“It doesn’t matter,” She started and he felt the vice tighten around his heart, “it only makes everything worse, okay? I’m pathetic, I know. I fell for a guy that only sees me as the other woman.”

He didn’t even have time to process the sheer ridiculousness of those words, nevermind respond by the time more words were falling from her lips.

“Please, Bellamy, for my sanity and your own pride, leave.” She begged, tilting her head and furrowing her eyebrows.

It’s like everytime she had to say that word the weight of the world got a little heavier on her shoulders. 

Bellamy just shook his head, “I can’t do that, Clarke.”

She scrunched her eyes closed and the tears came pouring down. She could barely keep herself together before he arrived and now she has to fight him to leave her alone and it’s all just way too much. The word came out like a sob as she attempted to ask him one last time, “Bell-”

But before he could hear that damn ‘L’ word again, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, fitting his upper lip between hers and sucking gently. He felt a wave of relief settle over his shoulders when she melted into the kiss, lips pulling away slightly before meeting his again with even more force. He took her returned affection as a good sign and started to move a hand up to her waist when suddenly she was yanking herself away from him, leaving his hand hovering in mid air.

“No!” She yelled and earned them a few side glances from passing strangers, “You can’t fucking do that!”

He watched with absolute dread as Clarke waved off a stranger that was mouthing something to her from behind him. When he turned back to look at the older redhead woman, she was looking at him like he was abusive or something. 

It shattered him. 

He lowered his voice and closed his eyes for a moment before reopening them and gently whispering to her, “It’s only you, Clarke. It’s only even been you. Echo hasn’t been in the picture since the second you spilled coffee all over my fucking lap. She must’ve taken that picture when I was sleeping but I promise you, it’s only you.”

He could see the wheels turning in her head, but also the hope blossoming behind her big blue eyes. She looked like she was going to speak, but he had something to say and damnit, he was going to say it.

“And I’m glad, because Clarke Griffin,” He grabbed her hands and squeezed them in his palms, eyes glued to hers as he announced, “I am so, hopelessly in love with you.” 

She shattered under his stare and let out a sound that didn’t quite fit clearly into the category of a laugh or cry. It was a perfect mix of both and before he could even smile, she was tearing her hands from his and bringing them up to the back of his neck so she could pull him down and reacquaint their lips. Both of their tears made the kiss taste salty, but they couldn’t possibly care less. Bellamy raised his hands to her cheeks and framed her face with his palms, gently soothing over her skin with his thumbs. When she finally pulled away, they were both crying, this time happy tears. She suddenly pulled him in for a hug and squeezed him to her so tight he had trouble breathing. He laughed a little as she burrowed into his neck.

And then out of nowhere there was a subdued applause surrounding them. Clarke backed away from him and blushed a deep red as the strangers around them clapped for their reunion. Bellamy ducked his head down and reached to grab the handle of Clarke’s bag, rolling it towards him so he could drag it instead of her.

He leaned down and whispered into her ear, “I take it you're not going home?” 

“Oh, I’m going home.” She says with confidence and his heart stops beating.

When she sees his devastated expression she laughs a little, wetly, and turns her head up to kiss his cheek tenderly, “I just didn’t realize until now that my home isn’t in New York. My home is wherever you are.” 

He melts, bringing her back into a hug and this time ducking his head into the crook of her shoulder, breathing deeply against her hair and holding her tightly. 

“I love you.” He whispers into her blonde locks, a single tear falling down his tan cheek.

“I love you too,” She smiles before suddenly she pats his back twice and whispers, “But uh, maybe we should take this somewhere a little more private?” 

He laughs and backs away, raising his eyebrows as he looks her over, “Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?” 

She laughed and flushed slightly, looking down to the ground in an adorable show of embarrassment.

“Well mostly there’s like thirty people staring at us and I’m pretty sure that the lady with the kitten sweater is videotaping this whole thing, but… maybe if you’re lucky.” 

He shrugs and she thinks that’s the end of it but then he’s pulling her close and tucking her hair behind her left ear with his pointer finger, tilting her head to the side and making her shiver as he whispers, “I want to take you back to my apartment.” 

Chills and heat waves overcame her body simultaneously and all she could do was groan a little in her throat. His eyes went dark.

“Wait,” He sighed when she pulled away, “Did you take a car?” There was dread in his tone. 

God, if they had to seperate right now… 

Her smile was bright, “Ubered.” 

And then he’s grabbing her hand in his left hand and pulling her suitcase with his right, her head falling onto his shoulder as they practically sprinted out of the airport. 

They’re only a few yards away from his car when Clarke turns to him with guilt in her eyes and nuzzles his shoulder with her nose, “I’m sorry I doubted you.” 

He smiles a little to himself, because of course she found a way to put blame on herself. It was her god given talent, a real gift. 

They approached the car and Bellamy popped the trunk and threw her bag in before guiding her to the passenger’s side. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. We both got played. All that matters is that we’re both here now,” He reached for the passengers side door and opened it, holding it out so Clarke could get in, “And that we love each other very much.” 

Clarke’s eyes go glassy and she makes no move to get into the passenger's side, instead reaching up and grabbing his collar, pulling him towards her and stepping backwards until she’s lined up with the back door. She opens the door to the backseat and Bellamy’s eyes immediately darken, pupils dilating to the size of Jupiter. He slammed the shotgun door a little too loudly and then started pushing Clarke gently into the backseat. She laughed as she carefully crawled back on her hands until she was half laying down across the backseat, neck leaning on the window. He crawled in after her, closing the door behind him before kneeling over her body, a knee on either side of her thighs and hands pressed to the carseat by her shoulders. Her eyes were wide and there was a red tint to her cheeks and all he could think was God, I love this Woman.

“Will you stop staring?” She reached up and poked his chest, “I know I look awful. If I knew we were gonna end up in the back of your car I would’ve at least put some makeup on.” 

He gawked at her, absolute disbelief filling him. He could tell she was serious and that made it even worse. So, he lifted a hand to her face and brought it under her chin, forcing her to look him in the eyes. 

“Look at me,” He spoke with as much sincerity as humanly possible, “You are beautiful.” 

Her eyes watered over and she reached up to tangle her fingers in his hair so she could kiss the living hell out of him. She pulled him down and his weight leaned just slightly on her chest, making her body erupt in heat. Every place his body touched hers was a fire, slowly spreading over her skin and deep into her bones. 

When he pulled away, lips hovering just barely above hers so she could feel his breath, he told her, “I want you to say it.”

She went a little cross eyed to connect their gazes, voice hitching a little as she questioned, “What?”

He pressed a firm kiss to her lips and tangled his fist in her hair before pulling away and confirming, “I want you to say that you’re beautiful.”

She scoffed and rut her hips up a little against him, “Bellamy, come on.”

He reached down to grip her waist and pushed her down, voice deadly serious as he threatened, “I’ll jump into the driver's seat and leave you back here.”

“You want me to lie.” She raised her eyebrows.

His heart broke a little at the words. He truly believed he was staring at the most beautiful girl in the world and she didn’t think she was pretty. 

“I wish you could see yourself through me eyes.” He whispered, dropping his lips to pepper her jaw in kisses.

She scoffed, “And what do you see, Bell? Eyes swollen from crying and dirty hair, blemished skin and-”

He stopped her there, not able to take one more second of her talking badly about herself. He cut off her words by taking her chin into his hand and tilting his head back so he could look her deep in the eyes. 

“You’re perfect.” Bellamy stated like it was the simplest, truest thing in the universe. He slid his hand down from her face to her chest and placed his hand right above her heart, pressing down gently and emphasizing, “This makes you perfect.”

She smiled a tiny bit, eyes watering, and he wanted to lighten it up a little bit so he smirked and said in a teasing, yet genuine voice, “The ferrari on the outside is just an added bonus.”

She finally laughed and his heart felt full, “Ferrari, huh?”

He laughed a little back but after a few seconds, trailed the giggles away and looked at her seriously, lips hanging in a soft, content smile as his voice lowered again and he instructed, “Say it.”

She looked at him for a moment as if waiting for him to just say fuck it and move on to kissing her, but he stayed steady. 

When she decided to address him, it came out in an exhausted sigh, “I’m only doing this because I really need you to touch me soon or I’m gonna implode.”

It was true. Her body was buzzing and every cell in her was craving for more of him. She didn’t believe she was beautiful, but she did believe Bellamy thought she was beautiful, and for her, that’s enough. She loves him and trusts him and if he thinks she needs to say this, she’ll have faith in that.

“I’m beautiful.”

His face visibly lightened up when she said the words, eyes going wide and bright and a huge smile crawling up his lips. The second she said it, Clarke felt like crying. She’d never said anything even remotely close to that out loud and it was a bizarre and thrilling feeling to announce that she was beautiful. It was overwhelming and she felt the tears carving paths down her cheeks. Bellamy leaped forward to swipe the tears away from her face.

He leaned down and brushed his nose against hers, whispering, “Fuck yeah, you are.” 

She cried and laughed at the same time and pressed their lips together, her tongue flicking out and mingling with his own. He moaned a little into her mouth and then her hands were reaching down to the hem of his henley and pulling it up his chest. She whined when they had to break the kiss to get it over his head, and he just laughed in return. Automatically he reached down to remove Clarke’s sweater as well, but he paused for a second to give her a questioning glance just in case. She nodded eagerly and raised her arms over her head, giving him both permission and encouragement. When he got her sweater over her head and realized she wasn’t wearing anything underneath, he pulled back a little and muttered just loud enough so she could hear, “Fucking gorgeous.”

Her laugh melted into a moan as his hand found her breast, kneading the flesh in his calloused palm. Her head became liquid, juggling out to the side.

It took conscious thought for her to sit up and whisper, “You’re a pretty attractive man too, Bellamy Blake.”

He laughed, relishing in every little hitched breath that escaped her lips as he played with her tits, “Are you gonna make me say it?”

She laughed back but then whispered in his ear, inspiring goosebumps all over his entire body, “Not right now. I have other plans.”

Before Bellamy could even begin to think about what she was talking about, Clarke was sliding out from under him and fondling them around until she was on top, straddling his lap. His breath caught in his throat as he watched her sitting there, above him, looking ethereal. He wanted to touch every inch of her milky skin, see if he could make her come from nothing but touching her tits. Maybe another time.

“God, Clarke.” He groaned when she dragged her hips up a little bit, grinding down on him and sending a shock up his spine. 

She started to reach for his belt buckle, when suddenly he grabbed her wrist. She looked at him with curiosity in her eyes.

“Are you sure you wanna do this here?” Bellamy asked, looking around the empty parking lot through the window and registering the pain already spreading in his left leg from the cramped position.

Clarke leaned closer to his face and started with a teasing tone, “Don’t tell me you want a bed filled with roses and a bottle of chardonnay.”

“Ha-ha.” Bellamy mocked before dropping his voice to a more serious note, “I just… I’ve never done this, like this.” 

There was an uncertainty in his voice now, a hesitation. 

Clarke was confused, and that came across in her question, “In the backseat of a car?

Bellamy shook his head immediately and corrected, “With someone I love.” 

Up until this point, it was always hookups and girls that he never truly cared for. With Clarke- with the woman he loved- it wasn’t just sex. It was something so much more than that, and the backseat of a van in the parking lot of an airport didn’t seem like the ideal spot to create the memory of his lifetime. Clarke looked at him with wide eyes.

“Oh.”

He shook his head softly as he explained, “I just want to make sure you’re comfortable. This isn’t like the other girls I’ve slept with. I want to be with you and love you for a very long time and that’s kinda hard to do if every time we have sex you think about how horrible the first time was.”

Clarke leaned down and Bellamy tried his best to ignore how her nipples brushed against his bare chest. 

She pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and brushed the hair out of his face, “Bell, you’re overthinking this. I don’t care where we are, it’s gonna be great because I love you.”

He sighed, leaning into her touch, “I just-”

“Okay, babe,” She cut him off, sighing, “Your insecurity is adorable, but I’m really turned on right now and it’s kinda killin’ the whole sexy, spontaneous vibe.”

He laughed and raised his eyebrows, reaching up to ghost his fingers over her hip, “Oh, well we can’t have that now, can we?” 

Clarke hummed and he smirked, mumbling, “Really turned on, huh?”

She practically growled, “Shut up and touch me.”

He felt his pants become even more of a constraint at her words, his voice breathy as he amended, “Your wish is my command.”

From there on in it was all need. 

Clarke traced every inch of his chest with her fingers and tongue while he played with her breasts and pinched at her nipples. They splayed open mouth kisses all over each other’s necks and faces with urgent tongues and wet lips. Eventually Clarke got back to his belt and peeled his pants off of his legs, greedily taking in the sight of him with hungry eyes.

“See something you like, princess?”

She didn’t even have the mind to laugh, automatically ducking her head down to press kisses to his neck as she took him in her hand, circling him with her fingers and dragging up and down. She made little circles with her thumb on the underside of his shaft and made a show of flicking gently over the head. Bellamy couldn’t even begin to verbalize how good it felt, but the hitched breaths and strangled moans being pulled from his throat gave her enough encouragement. In a matter of seconds he felt a jolt race up his spine and consequently reached down to pull her hand away. She looked up at him, confused, and he let out a deep breath.

“Not good?” She asked, worry lacing her voice.

He barked out a laugh of disbelief, “A little too good, actually. I don’t want this to end too quickly, okay?” 

Her eyes widened, “Oh.”

“Yeah.” He laughed in response, taking another deep inhale before reaching down to her waist, fingers gently tugging on the band of her leggings, “Now, tell me again why I’m the only one naked.” 

She smirked and immediately helped him get her leggings and thong off, leaving them both completely exposed to the air. Bellamy’s breath caught in his throat as his eyes scanned over her entire body. The hairs stood up on his arms, awe in his eyes as she stretched up to reach for her hair. The action made her tits stand to full attention and he felt his already rock hard dick harden even further. Clarke tugged the elastic out of her hair and let her blonde locks fall around her face. She slid the elastic up her wrist before reaching down, grabbing one of Bellamy’s hands, and bringing it up to the back of her head so he would tangle his fingers into her hair. Once it was there, she reached for his other hand and slowly brought it down to her pelvis. He let her guide him, lost in the way her eyelids fluttered when his fingers made contact with her folds. It was probably- no, definitely- the sexiest thing he’s ever seen, Clarke taking control like this and showing him what she liked. 

She pushed her hips against his still fingers, urging him to move them over her. He complied and the answering groan that fell from her lips made him melt.

“God, Clarke, you’re gonna be the death of me.” He whimpered breathlessly, his eyes glued to her face as she closed her eyes, her features taking on an expression of pure pleasure. 

She bit down on her bottom lip as he slid his pointer finger over her clit, eyes jolting open when he circled it with just the right amount of pressure. She guided her gaze to meet his directly, and the moment instantaneously became a thousand times more intimate. He subconsciously picked up the pace of his fingers just to see her moan with her bright blue eyes glued to his. After a few more seconds of rubbing the collection of nerves, she grabbed his bicep and dug her fingernails into his skin.

“Inside, Bell.” She whined, head tilting back.

He nodded eagerly before sliding his fingers down to her slit and losing his breath over just how wet she was. He felt her drip over his fingers, his jaw slackening as he looked up at her.

He caught his breath before questioning, “One or two first?” 

Her eyebrows furrowed and she groaned as he prodded at her entrance with his pointer finger, “Two.” 

He nodded and slowly started to slip his middle and pointer finger in. She moaned and reached up to where his other hand was still grabbing her hair, intertwining their fingers. Just as his fingers bottomed out inside of her, she moaned, “Pull.”

He groaned and pulled her hair back slightly, making her moan and rotate her hips in response. Jesus, that was a thing for her. She must have sensed how desperate he was, because in the next second she was reaching down and placing a palm over his dick, just to relieve some of the pressure. But God, he was so turned on that even just that small touch set a fire and pulled a fractured breath from him. 

“Christ, Clarke.” 

“Your so hot like this, Bell, all flushed underneath me. Fuck, and you’re so good with your fingers,” She stuttered breathlessly as his fingers kept working her, “I’m already close.” 

He took that as encouragement to add a third finger and as he did, she gasped and clenched down around him. Clarke was huffing unevenly, and he could tell she was almost there so he used his thumb to rub circles over her clit. She was on cloud-9 with that direct pleasure, waves spreading into his pelvis and settling in the pit of her stomach. Goosebumps covered her arms and legs, chills stretching down her body as his fingers started working even faster. 

She came with a rapid line of murmured swears and broken gasps, eyes scrunching closed and thighs shaking violently. He greedily drank in the sight and couldn’t stop himself from removing his hand from her hair and instead using it to guide her body until she was straddling his face. The shout that escaped from her when he put his mouth on her was intoxicating. He started licking her, lapping up her juices with closed eyes and blissed out sighs. For a few seconds it was great, but then her whines became less pleased and more pained. 

“Bell… Bellamy… stop.” She whimpered, reaching down with a hiss to grab his hair and pull him away from her. 

He pulled away immediately and looked up at her with concern, eyebrows raised in question. 

“Sensitive.” She elaborated with a deep sigh. 

He blushed and reached up to wipe the hair out of her face, “Sorry.”

She laughed out loud, leaning down and pressing a sweaty kiss to his lips before backing off and whispering, “Don’t ever apologize for making me cum, Bellamy Blake.”

He almost choked, the arousal that he’d buried down for the past few minutes finally taking dominance and forcing him up. He lurched forward, crashing their lips together and almost instantly slipping his tongue into her mouth. She laughed a little and then moaned into his eager mouth, her hands coming up to frame his face. 

He let go of every ounce of prior hesitation and picked her up, flipping them so she was on her back again. She gasped into the kiss, eyes wide as he took over. 

“What?” He asked, nipping at her bottom lip.

She laughed with a flush, “It’s just… you taking control like that. It’s super hot.”

He smirked and kissed her again, bringing a hand down to guide her left leg up and over his hip.

“And…” She continued and he sighed, but was curious as to why her tone was so shy and unreadable, “I can kinda taste myself on your tongue. Can’t tell if it’s hot or gross.” 

To Bellamy, definitely hot. 

“It’s whatever you want it to be.” He muttered, moving his lips down to mouth at her jaw, nipping and liking the structured bone.

Clarke hummed, “Hot.” 

He shook his head, that one word turning him on even more, “You’re making waiting very, very difficult.” 

She raised a brow, “Then let’s not wait. Condom?” 

He sighed, reaching for his pants on the car floor and pulling his wallet out.

“Are you serious? You keep condoms in your wallet?” She laughed, surprise and judgement in her tone.

Bellamy rolled his eyes as he pulled a condom out of some middle pocket in his little brown wallet and then threw it to the ground, “You’re welcome.” 

Once he had it in his hand, she gripped his hair and pulled him down so her mouth was level with his ear, whispering seductively, “I’m ready.” 

He couldn’t stop his hips from impulsively grinding down against her pelvis and she moaned- right into his ear. He swore under his breath before bringing his upper body up so he was sort of straddling her lap. He saw her eyes widen a little as they glided over his very hard cock and felt his heart flutter a little. 

“I’m gonna give you a free ego boost here, Bell. You’re definitely the biggest I’ve ever had.” She said breathlessly as she grabbed the condom from his hand and disregarded the wrapper, slowly sliding it down his length. 

He groaned and bit down on his lip before replying with a teasing smile, “Are you up for the challenge?” 

She huffed out some air like that question offended her, “When have you ever known me to back out of anything?” 

“Never.” He smirked, but then suddenly his eyes were softening and his tone went completely serious, “But seriously Clarke, If you aren’t comfortable, we can work up to it some other time. There’s no pressure here.” 

Her heart swelled. She could literally feel his need- it was evident by how intensely his dick was pulsing in her hand- and yet, here he was, willing to sacrifice his own pleasure to ensure her comfort. 

She shook her head in awe, looking him deep in his chocolate eyes and announcing, “I love you more than you will ever know.” 

He smiled shyly and looked down a little, cheeks lighting up pink. He cleared his throat after a second, still eyeing her, “so…” 

“So, I appreciate your concern. The way you worry and sacrifice is… Well, I’ll talk about it another time. Right now I am in the backseat of a shit van with the man that I love and I want him to fuck me. I can handle it.” 

His eyes darkened, voice ten octaves lower as he responded, “That took a turn.” 

She laughed.

He reached down and spread her folds, lining himself up. His breaths were heavy and uneven, eyebrows furrowed in concentration and pleasure. Right as he broke the surface, Clarke reached down and gently grabbed his wrist. 

His gaze shot up, voice alert and worried as he asked, “Are you okay?!” 

She nodded, little lines forming between her eyebrows as she sighed, “I’m perfect. Just… slow, okay?” 

“Slow.” He repeated immediately, assuring her. 

She nodded and leaned back, taking the hand still wrapped around his wrist away and instead grabbing onto his hip, pressing her thumb into the little divot where his bone protruded. He hummed a little in approval and then, ever slowly, started to push into her. 

The first few inches were easy, neither of them necessarily new at this. Clarke made him falter and swear when she grabbed his hand and moved it to one of her breasts. His thumb was gliding easily over her nipple when she first whined a little. He was just over half way into her and she bit down on her lip, closing her eyes tightly. 

He leaned down, still playing gently with her tit as he nuzzled her nose, “Okay?” 

She let out a deep breath and nodded, “More.”

She squeezed his hip and gasped when he pushed a little more. There was definitely a stretch going on, and there was definitely a degree of pain. But… the pleasure was otherworldly. Just the noises Bellamy made were enough to dull any agony and pull her back to the edge of arousal.

“Fuck, you’re tight, Clarke.” He groaned through clenched teeth as he got even closer to getting himself fully inside her. 

She whimpered a little and he kissed her, intense breaths passing between the two of them as they sloppily slid their open mouths over each other's. She moaned embarrassingly loud when he finally bottomed out, fingernails digging into his flesh as the array of sensations settled over her. 

He growled, “God, so good, baby. You’re so good.”

She nodded and winced a little as her body shifted.

“Bell,” She whimpered, “Move.”

He nodded eagerly, pulling himself back down to earth enough to ask her, “Tell me if it hurts, okay?” 

She just nodded and then he was pulling out about halfway before sliding back in. Clarke moaned and tilted her head back, exposing every inch of her neck to him. He licked and bit at the showcased skin as he let out an abundance of noises himself. He did that for a while at first; just slid halfway out and in at a not particularly fast pace. (He’ll never admit it, but it was as much for him as it was for her. Any faster, this would be over pretty quickly.)

But then on one particular thrust, Clarke raised her hips and met him coming down, causing him to go even deeper into her and they both saw stars. So, they kept doing that. Then Bellamy was pulling out nearly all the way before gliding back in. 

Now he’s practically slamming into her and she’s meeting every single thrust. Both of them were covered in a thin sheen of sweat, the grunts and moans mixing in the stuffy air of the car making the windows fog over. 

It’s when Clarke’s thighs start quivering that Bellamy reaches down and starts rubbing rapid circles over her clit. She thrashes against the carseat and yanks him down to kiss her. Clarke starts to clench and pulse around him and Bellamy feels his orgasm hit him a mere second before she tumbles over the edge. He doesn’t moan or grunt, just lets out a series of labored, broken breaths as his entire body becomes a fire. She moans into his mouth, hips wildly thrashing against him.

It takes a few minutes for them to get their breath under control, and once Bellamy gains back control of his limbs, he pecks her lips and smiles, “I love you, too. More than words can describe.” 

She smiles back as she combs her fingers through her hair. She’s remains riding a few of the aftershocks, his dick still buried inside of her.

“That was amazing,” She breathed out before knitting her eyebrows and teasing, “How could you ever possibly think that it would be bad?” 

He laughs, nuzzling into her neck as he slowly started to slide himself out of her, breath hitching, “You’re my crush, Clarke, I got nervous.” 

She laughed at his schoolboy impression, but immediately followed it with a groan of pain as his dick slid out of her. Now that it wasn’t there, she could feel how much he’d stretched her and it certainly wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

“How you doing?” He asked once he’d tied off the condom and threw it in the little brown bag he used as makeshift trash for his car, leaning down to gaze at her. 

She squirmed a little, reaching for her clothes.

“Sore,” She replied honestly, knowing he’d see through any lie she told him, “But happy.”

He nodded and smiled softly, helping her worm her clothes back on, “Well, I’m happy if your happy. And it’ll get easier, you know… with practice.” 

She raised her eyebrows in amusement, “Practice, huh?” 

He hummed his affirmation.

Twenty minutes later Bellamy was in the driver's seat and Clarke was leaning against the window of the passengers, his right hand wrapped around her thigh. She watched his face as he concentrated on the road, eyeing how rays of sun lit up his freckles. 

“Thanks for not letting me get on that plane.” She said after a while, tone genuine and full of love. 

He raised his eyebrows and squeezed her thigh adoringly without removing his gaze from the road, “You’re very welcome. You can rest your eyes if you want, Clarke. We’ve got a long road ahead of us.”

A long road ahead. 

She liked the sound of that.


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy little epilogue.
> 
> Clarke finds out she’s pregnant.

“It’s just a stomach bug Bell. I’m a doctor, I can confirm it.” 

Except, that was a blatant lie. 

Clarke has been sick for the past two weeks. She could barely get out of bed in the morning before relieving herself of the previous night’s meal. She’s spent hours hunched over the toilet bowl, face pale as snow and knuckles white from how tightly she gripped the porcelain. Migraines plagued her constantly and her body was sore basically everywhere. At first she assumed it was the flu but it’s been too long and there was no fever in sight. 

Bellamy’s been an absolute angel, holding her hair back and cooking her meals. But he’s also a total mother hen. He’s practically been making himself sick with worry. He’s skipped work some days just to stay with her, and keeps urging her to go to a real doctor because ‘she can’t diagnose herself.’ 

Thing is, Clarke found out a week ago that she’s pregnant. After the thirteenth morning of losing her dinner moments after waking up, she went to CVS and bought four tests. Then she went back and got a fifth one, because she’s Clarke and ‘What if two are yes and two are no, I need a tiebreaker’. She took them in the bathroom when Bellamy was at work, eyes watering when the first one was negative. They weren’t actively trying for kids yet, maybe that’s why it took so long for Clarke to catch on, but they definitely were talking about doing that soon. If this truly was a false alarm, then she was going to need to talk to Bellamy about starting to try for kids right freaking now. This whole thing was just making her want them. 

The next four sticks were positive.

She was an emotional wreck and immediately wanted to tell Bellamy, but the artist in her wanted to make it special. He got to propose, she should at least get to do this! 

All in all, she’s had the knowledge on her shoulders for a week now, and he still thinks she’s just sick. On second thought, maybe she’s going to hell…

They were sitting on the bathroom floor right now, Clarke kneeling in front of the toilet and Bellamy holding her hair in a ponytail against her neck, his other hand soothing up and down her back.

“I’m worried about you, Clarke!” Bellamy responded, “It’s not normal to be sick for this long, what if something’s really wrong?”

Clarke had to try really hard to not smile at his adorable overprotectiveness, it would only make him suspicious. She loved this man so, so, so much. 

“I’m serious Clarke, what if it’s genetic or something?!” His voice was panicked and his eyes were wide.

Clarke laughed a little, “Babe, my mom overdosed on drugs and my dad was shot to death. It’s not genetic.” 

He didn’t look even remotely embarrassed, his worry bulldozing over any other emotion he could possibly feel. He didn’t even flinch when she mentioned her parents, a conversation topic that normally made him tear up at least a little bit. 

“Will you please just go to a doctor?” He closed his eyes for a moment and lowered his voice. 

Clarke sighed, pursing her lips and starting to reply before immediately being cut off by the burning hot sensation of acid crawling up her throat. Her eyes glazed over as she lurched forward and emptied her stomach full of bile into the toilet. She coughed around the throw up and let a few tears slip down her cheeks. Knowing this was all because she was pregnant didn’t make her hate vomiting any less. She cried a little bit as the last bit left her mouth and Bellamy leaned down to rest his forehead on her back, right between her shoulders. He rubbed soothing circles on her skin and gently hummed to her. When she finished and leaned back, his eyes were even more worried. 

He looked like he was going to break into sobs at any moment, bottom lip quivering and eyes glassy with unshed tears. 

Clarke had planned to tell him on Saturday, when the bakery he loved was next available to make a customized cake that said “Daddy, I can’t wait to meet you -baby”. But sitting right here, watching how much he was suffering, Clarke decided that she needed to tell him now. She couldn’t keep putting him through this. 

“You know what’ll make me feel better?” Clarke whimpered, gagging a little as the taste of bile lingered in her mouth.

He shook his head a little, obviously upset she wasn’t promptly agreeing to go to a medical professional, but nonetheless sighed. All Bellamy wanted was for her to be happy, and he would do anything to make that reality. As far as he knows she’s in pain (which is true), and she’s telling him that there’s something he can do to make it at least a little better. He’d put a doctor on the backburner for a minute to make sure that happened. 

“What?”

And that got the wheels in Clarke’s head spinning. How could she make it special without having time for some big, elaborate gesture? She smiled when the idea came to her. 

“I wanna go to Mount Weather.” 

They hadn’t gone back to the coffee shop where they met since that very day. She’d been once or twice, and so had he, but never together. When they had the time to go out, a coffee shop wasn’t really on the top of the list of places they could go. But right now? Clarke wanted to start this new journey in the same place where their’s first began. 

Bellamy’s eyebrows furrowed and he jerked back a little bit, “Mount Weather Café?” 

Clarke nodded and leaned away from the toilet, flushing it and standing up. His hands fell off of her back as she rose and were left empty. He remained on the floor for a second, clearly confused.

“Get up.” Clarke urged before teasing playfully, “Do you need a hand?” 

She reached out for his hand to pull him up and he rolled his eyes, swatting it away. Bellamy got up from the ground so he stood in front of her, eyes narrowed on her face. 

He took her hand in his and started with a low voice, “If this will make you feel better, love, then we’ll do it. I just…” His voice cracked just barely enough to be noticeable, “the thought of you hurting, or worse… I…” 

“I know.” Clarke cut him off softly, bringing the hand he wasn’t holding up to rest on his cheek and fanning her thumb over his soft skin. 

Bellamy still didn’t look convinced, little wrinkles between his eyebrows giving away his concern.

“Okay, look.” Clarke sighed, “If I still feel sick after we go to Mount Weather, I’ll go to a doctor.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Promise?”

“Cross my heart.” 

He audibly sighed and closed his eyes for a second before opening them again and shrugging his shoulders, “Fine.” 

Clarke grinned ear to ear, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek before darting away into their bedroom. 

“Woah, why the rush?” Bellamy laughed a little as Clarke threw her pajama shirt off and sorted through her closet for a decent top.

Clarke raised her brows teasingly as she lifted her arms over her head and pulled on a baby pink sweater with little bows on the back, “It’s pumpkin spice season, Mr.Blake.” 

Bellamy smirked a little despite the worry she could still see behind his eyes, “Yeah, well, black coffee is available year-round, Mrs.Blake.” 

She shook her head and dropped her pajama shorts, shimmying into a pair of leggings. He watched her change in a way he liked to think was subtle but was completely blatant as he pulled on a tee shirt and jeans himself. 

“My husband is so boring.” She teased as she pulled her boots on and started braiding her hair.

He scoffed lightly, walking over to her and taking the keys from her hand. Clarke smiled like a little kid that just got their way and paraded off to the bathroom to brush her teeth, leaving Bellamy in her wake. 

He stood in the middle of their bedroom and finally, once she was in the bathroom, let a few tears fall down his face. He shook his body roughly to try and get the emotions out before she returned, bringing his hands up to his cheeks and wiping the tears away. He felt her pain himself, and for these last few weeks, he’s been carrying with him the weight of a boulder deep in his stomach. When she gagged, he felt the bile rise in his throat. When she held a shaking palm to her throbbing head, he felt a pulse in his own temple. Every time she threw up, his heart was ripped out of his chest. What bothered him the most, however, was precisely how unbothered Clarke seemed about it. His wife sometimes thinks that because she’s a doctor, she can diagnose herself. Bellamy is terrified that she’s underselling her pain just so she doesn’t have to damage her ego by going to another doctor. Doesn’t she understand that she’s freaking biased? Her getting better trumps everything. Everything.

That thought stayed prominent in his mind from the second they got into the car to the minute they entered the Café. The only thing that made it slightly better was that Clarke had a smile on her face, something he hadn’t seen her wear for a long period of time in what felt like forever. It wasn’t a big grin that lasted a few seconds or a knowing smirk- it was a soft, stagnant smile that made her eyes seemed just a little brighter. 

“I will get the coffees, you grab a table.” Clarke instructed him, squeezing his hand briefly.

He nodded and whispered, “Okay.”

She leaned up a little then and placed a peck to his lips before falling back down onto the flats of her feet. Her eyes were a little watery when she retreated and Bellamy felt his heart jump.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked gently.

Clarke couldn’t help her eyes from tearing up, not when it was finally hitting her that she was looking at the father of her child. But all would be clear soon, so she just nodded and pushed him towards the dining area with a weak hand, turning her back to him and moving to the counter.

Monty wasn’t working today, but one of his good friends, Niylah, gave Clarke a warm smile from behind the register. They’d interacted on a few occasions but never truly got to know each other. They actually slept together on a dare many, many moons ago, months before Bellamy came into the picture. It was mutually agreed that it was a one time thing and they both wanted to remain friendly. There was an unspoken respect between them. 

“Hey, Clarke, long time!” Niylah smiled, resting a hand on the top of the register gently.

“Must’ve been the wedding.” Clarke nodded in agreement.

Niylah nodded back, reaching out carefully and taking Clarke’s left hand gently in hers. She softly ran her finger over Clarke’s diamond studded engagement ring and golden wedding band, an admiring smile on her lips. She let go of Clarke’s hand with a little pat and looked back up. 

“What can I get you guys?”

Clarke recited their order before suddenly lowering her voice to a whisper and leaning in towards Niylah, “Listen, Bellamy’s getting us a table right now so I was wondering if maybe you could get a blueberry muffin and write ‘Dad’ across the top with frosting? I know it’s above your paygrade and it’s totally okay if you can’t.”

Niylah shook her head dismissively, “Don’t be silly, of course I can.” She typed something into the register before telling Clarke her total and grabbing her credit card, “You know… I thought something was up. You’re glowing, Clarke. Congratulations.” 

Clarke just nodded minutely. All of a sudden the reality of this was all hitting her. She just told Niylah… soon everyone would know. She was pregnant. She was fucking pregnant. 

“Are you nervous about how he’s gonna react?” Niylah asked after a few more seconds of prolonged silence.

When Clarke registered the somewhat concerned look on her friend’s face, she startled back to reality, admitting, “Nervous. Excited. There’s a lot I’m feeling right now.” 

“You’re going to be an amazing mom, Clarke,” She smiled, “And Bellamy’s one of the best guys out there. He’ll be a great father.” 

Niylah handed Clarke’s card back at the same moment another man slid her coffees towards her. 

“I know.” Clarke smiled softly before thanking them both and sliding over a little to wait for her muffin. 

Niylah made a show of writing the letters across the top, holding it up for Clarke’s approval while making certain it stayed out of Bellamy’s sight. 

“Do you happen to have a box?” Clarke asked with a hesitant voice, like she was afraid it was too much to ask. 

Niylah just nodded with a shrug and leaned down, taking out a white box the perfect size for a single muffin. With a steady hand, she lowered it into the box and carefully closed the top so it would stay sealed. 

“Good luck.” She said with a little wink.

Clarke nodded appreciatively, placing the box in between her elbow and ribs and squeezing them together so she could use her hands to carry the coffees. 

When she turned around, Clarke couldn’t stop the tsunami of emotions that cascaded over her. 

Bellamy was there, at the exact same table he was sitting at when they first met, glasses resting familiarly on the bridge of his nose and gaze downcast. He was wringing his hands together, a tick of his that told Clarke he was worried about something. He looked so much like he did when they’d first met, and it made Clarke’s heart pound. She loved him so much, and she was about to change their lives forever. But looking at him, really looking at him, she’d never been more sure that it was for the better. So she sniffled a little to quell her leaky eyes and walked over to the table. When she sat down, Clarke carefully placed the box in her lap so that the table blocked his view of it. 

His gaze lifted when she sat down and a small smile formed on his worried face. Clarke handed him his iced black and gently started to fidget with the lid of her coffee cup. She could hear her heart beating in her ears, the pulse echoing loudly. 

“I was tempted to spill it on you, but I’m not really in the mood to get a massive bruise.” Clarke teased as she gestured to his coffee. 

Bellamy laughed a little, and she could tell he didn’t actually find it funny but was rather doing it for her benefit. To make her feel better. He took a sip of his coffee and then put it back down, leaning forward to take her cup gently. They shared everything and asking was useless when the answer was quite literally never no. He just wanted to try a sip of her pumpkin spice and when he did, his face scrunched up a little bit.

“Is this decaf?” He asked with a certain distaste in his voice, sliding the coffee back towards Clarke.

She blushed a little in a show of embarrassment that she scolded herself for, “Yeah, I uhm…” and then the wheels went spiraling in her mind, searching for an excuse, “I think maybe the caffeine is messing with me, so I’m testing this out.” 

It’s absolutely ridiculous. Clarke has had caffeine every day of her life since she was sixteen, so there's no way in hell that would just suddenly make her sick. She just hoped to God Bellamy wouldn’t think too deeply about it. I mean, the guy said it could be genetic this morning, so it was evident that his overbearing worry made him at least a little less logical. 

“Really?” He asked with knitted brows and Clarke inwardly gave a sigh of relief.

She shrugged, “Just a little experiment.” 

He bit down on his upper lip a little, worry lining his voice as he announced, “That’s awful, Clarke, you love caffeine. It would be terrible if you had to give that up. I mean, if that is the case, I’m sure we can find some alternative.” 

God, he was yanking her heart strings.

“Yeah…” Clarke sighed, taking a deep breath before starting, “Okay, Bell, I’m going to tell you something and I need you to listen to the whole thing before you say anything, okay?”

He tensed visibly, shoulders straightening and eyes going wide. She could see his heart breaking in the shifts of his features, his head starting to shake rapidly in tiny jerks. 

Shit. 

She’s been sick for two weeks, she hasn’t seen a doctor, she wanted to go to the place where they first met, and now she’s telling him something big. Did he… did he think she was dying?

“It’s nothing bad, I promise.” She rushed out, reaching one hand out and grabbing his to give it a reassuring squeeze.

The relief was visible. His shoulders sagged down and he swallowed roughly. Bellamy gave her a little nod that told her to continue talking.

“Okay,” She said softly, “Bellamy, you know I lost both of my parents very young. I think that loss- those losses- steeled me against love. All it had ever brought me was pain. My walls were up, but you… you brought them down. You showed me that love could be about so much more than loss, that I could gain so much from it. You opened up my heart and brought a light into my life that I never thought I could be capable of having. I love you with every cell in my body, and I would never, ever want to do this with anyone but you.”

Clarke paused to reach down into her lap. She had tears pouring down her face as she slowly placed the box in front of him. His eyes were filled to the brim with tears- glass just waiting to shatter. She waited patiently for him to open the box before speaking again.

“But, I think it’s time we share that love and gain so much more.” 

He looked over the muffin and then up at her again, tears streaming down his face as his mouth dropped open in shock. His eyebrows crinkled together, little lines forming between them. 

“I’m pregnant.” She confirmed with an ecstatic, highly emotional whisper. Her voice was high and airey, a tear dripping from the tip of her nose. 

He scrunched his eyes closed and let out what she could only describe as a sob. Bellamy brought both arms up to the table and let his head fall into his palms. He held his hands in a praying position over his eyes and face, shoulders shaking softly as he cried quietly into his hands. Clarke felt her own tears become more frequent and reached out to place a hand on his shoulder, squeezing firmly. She just let him process it for as long as he needed, gently shushing him and running her thumb over his collarbone. 

When he finally let the cries fade off, he looked up from his hands and stared at her with hope and love in his eyes, “Are you serious?” 

She laughed wetly and nodded, “So serious.” 

“Oh my God, Clarke.” He croaked, getting up from his chair and coming up to her so he could wrap his arms around her. 

She burrowed her forehead into his shoulder and gently ran her fingers through his dark curls. It was comfortable and amazing and he reacted so, so incredibly well until all of a sudden…

“Wait.” He pulled himself back so he could look at her, “All the throwing up, and the migraines… it was…”

Clarke nodded, “Morning sickness.”

He let out a deep breath and let his face crumple again as silent cries shook him, “So you’re okay.” 

She nodded and bit down on her lip, his relief hitting her just as hard, “I’m okay.” And then she grabbed his hand and slowly guided it to her shirt, interlacing their fingers over her still flat stomach, “We are okay.” 

Bellamy launched up and captured her lips with his own, leaving one hand on her stomach but bringing the other one to the back of her head. Her kissed her like it was the last time he ever could, needy and messy and full of so much love. Clarke eagerly returned his affection, holding his face with her hand and urging him on. When he backed away, both of their eyes were watering. 

“Holy shit.” He gasped a little, mere inches from her face, “I’m gonna be a dad.” 

Clarke smiled brightly through the tears, “You’re gonna be amazing. We’re so lucky to have you looking out for us.” 

He smiled back before pecking her lips one more time, “Always.” 

That’s what Clarke loved about them. They didn’t need huge gestures to show how much they cared about each other. They didn’t want big presents or dramatic announcements. 

As Clarke stared into the eyes of the man she loved, their hands pressed tightly to the little ball of life growing inside of her, she knew. 

The only thing they needed was each other. 

That was enough.


End file.
